Holiday Update (with photos)

So Christmas was good, tiring but good none the less. I do know one thing though, I do not want to see another cookie again for a long time! I ate way too many this week/weekend and I've had enough! I really need to join a gym here soon.....

Anyways here are some photos (rare for me I know), but Andrew got me a new camera for xmas so now I can take pictures like a crazy person once again!

Here is my family on Christmas Eve with my grandparents, mom and dad, brother and his girlfriend Amanda (does that seem odd to anyone else that we have the same name??) and Andrew!

Me and Andrew....he doesn't really like to smile in pictures....but I'm working on it!

Just me and the family, I don't think you would ever guess that we are all related....lol

My kitty Rusty likes Christmas....he is such a cute little thing!

I am sad that the holidays are over.....they seemed to come and go much too fast this year, but I am happy that I only work 3 days this week then its off to Hocking Hills with Andrew Friday-Sunday! We are going back to the same place we stayed in March, just in a different cabin than before. I don't think we are going to do much for New Years only bc neither of us really drink anymore and I don't really want to get a DUI. Some friends of mine are getting a party bus, but I don't really want to spend the money to go with them; guess I have gotten lame in my older years!

Well all for now, hope that everyone else had a good holiday!

I've been quite absent

I didn't even do Haiku Friday this week! Man, getting ready for the holidays has taken a lot out of me!

But there is something I need to get out as a part of my turning over a new "leaf" in the realm of my relationship with Andrew. As you all know, we hit a major rough patch of breakups and arguments over the past few months (early October till around Thanksgiving) and its been really hard on me and has caused many emotions to surface. We both had a roller coaster of emotions about one another that surfaced over the weekend through a series of events. We had a small arguement but then some other intimate encounters that just made it all seem to go away. But something else has been bothering me about him since the beginning and I just had to tell him that it still bothered me this weekend.

He has an ex that he still talks to and it annoys me, well it did for a while at least, I can't stand her for some reason, but she is in Africa as a mission right now so I don't feel she is a threat (she is there through August 2010 at least). But at the same time I wish she would go away. I went to school counseling (free service through my college) and vented out many of these emotions over the past few months coming to the conclusion that what her and Andrew had ended for a reason and that what Andrew and I have is good for a reason. I'll explain all this in another post once I get it all written out. I have started doing mental exercises to improve my jealous attitude and insecure behavior. I'm not ready to do meds again.....but maybe if this does not work I will.

Its been strange but over the past month as my sessions have started to wind down, I have felt myself really reconnecting with Andrew in a good way. He is more attentive to me and does more sweet little things that went by the wayside after the "honeymoon" period. Just today he went to purchase a welder he found on Craigslist that happened to be close to where I live and he just stopped by to take me to lunch, he hasn't done that in a long time. He's been more intimate as far as holding hands and kissing me and PDA I guess since that sometimes annoys him. It just feels good and I can see that in time the feelings I had of doubt will continue to fade away and become a distant memory.

I want to thank all of you for reading and listening and for offering your advice. I just want to continue to move past all of the strange feelings I have been having and keep watching myself and my life improve. Next to work on is my relationship with my family and to start working on things with my friends as well. Its not that things are horrible with them I just want to share my new outlook.

I never thought I would have to struggle again with my mental illness, my depression, anxiety and insecure personality, but sometimes life just is not easy and many bumps are hit along the way. So thank you to you all again!

It finally hits close to home.......

As of Friday, my brother was laid off from his job.....I honestly never thought that this shitty economy would have such an impact on my family, but it has. Adam went to work Monday and Tuesday since his foreman told him just to come in anyway until they figured out if he could finish off the job since its 2 weeks from completion and they are short on carpenters. Last night he found out that he cannot go into work anymore and is now officially laid off (thats why I didn't mention anything to a lot of people until now). Every single carpentry apprentice was laid off, mostly because they are low on the scale of employee and because a majority of them are ages 18-21, no kids and living at home. They don't know when he will have work again, but because he has so many banked hours (around 700 I believe, idk exactly how it works) he gets unemployment for up to 6 months and health insurance that whole time as well instead of Cobra.

Last night he didn't want to be around anyone and he and I just sat and watched TV not saying a word to one another. I am just so scared that next it will be my dad.....I could hardly sleep last night wondering what is going to happen to my family. We are just a middle class family of 4 with a mortgage and a nice home. What I am most scared of is that we will loose our house since my dad is the bread winner of the household. Not even winning the Salesman of the Year Award is going to keep him from loosing his job in his opinion but it might help him get another job within the company.

The only thing that I can really do at this point is be strong for my family, but that's hard too. I don't really have much Christmas spirit this year seeing as how there are so many people out their struggling and barely making ends meet. I'd like to start volunteering or doing something within my community and I think I may have found a project that interests me.....more details to come soon......

Well just needed to get all of that out......I better get to work.....

Another wonderful weekend!

Here is a play by play of the weekend:

Friday:

• Worked till about 3 and met with my advisor. She is really proud of my progress toward my diploma and my ever increasing GPA. I always enjoy talking with her.
• Nothing else too exciting went on that night.

Saturday:

• Worked at 3 Belles from 10 till 1 and it was pretty busy most of the morning. My mom stopped in and picked out her bday present (a sweater and boots) and at least I will know that she will like the gift!
• After that I headed over to Andrews, we went to get his haircut, went to lunch and did a little unsuccessful shopping. He wanted a new desk chair and I was still looking for Christmas gifts. Polaris Mall was total insanity so we decided to go back to his house.
• We all watched Wall-E at Dave and Erica's, I didn't really think it was that good....I would have rather watched Batman again or something else.
  
• Around 9:30pm I got a phone call from my dad (it was his company Christmas party that night) and he called to tell me that he won Salesman of the Year aka The Silver Stetson Award, which is a huge deal. He got a ring, cowboy hat and 25 shares of Bob Evans stock. They gave my mom a dozen roses and a necklace with the Silver Stetson charm and my dads name engraved on the back. It was a well deserved win since he works so incredibly hard at his job.
  
• I ended up staying the night at Andrews house that night bc I was not in the mood to drive home!

Sunday:

• I didn't really do much, woke up at Andrews and watched TV for a little bit then the boys decided that it would be fun to drive to Heath to go to Buckeye Outdoors bc they were having a "hot sale" so we all went out there.
• Afterward Andrew dropped me off at home and I vegged in front of the TV for a solid 3-4 hours and then watched the Steelers pull another win out of their butts.

Its back to work today.....I don't want to be here at all, I feel like I didn't sleep (what else is new) and I have hardly anything to do right now. Hope that everyone else had a good weekend!!!!

Haiku Friday - Motivation Needed

Is Christmas really
as close as it seems, my Lord
I am so behind.

A few gifts are bought
Decorations are done now
Tree is trimmed, lights hung.

Time goes much too fast.
Need to get going here soon,
maybe this weekend.

I have been so lax with what I need to do for Christmas and now I can see that was not a good idea. I hope that I get some more of my shopping done this weekend. I'll be at the consignment store on Saturday so maybe I can find some gifts there, since I am trying to be thrifty. I've spend a reasonable amount of money so far. I am trying for the thoughtful yet inexpensive purchases this year and so far its going good. I got my mom an indoor herb garden for the window sill in the kitchen; my dad new martini glasses; my aunt who I chose in the drawing scrap booking supplies; my cousins some really cool Eric Carl board games at Marshalls for 1/3 of what they were at Meijer. So I have a few friends left, the grandparents and my brother. I really wanted to sew some things for Christmas but I just don't have the time. Maybe next year I can get a sewing machine and get to work on that.

Well all for now, I'm here at work till about 3pm today, then I have a meeting at school. Tomorrow I am working at 3 Belles from 10-1 then hanging out with Andrew and Sunday I might bake cookies with my grandma!