I know that I just wrote yesterday.
I just don't know where else to go when I need to get things out.
Everything is so upside down, so empty and so not right in my life at the moment.
I'm frustrated - I didn't do to well in school this quarter despite all my efforts and I don't know what's going to happen. I won't know till my meeting on Monday. I have to sit and worry and wait for 5 days.
I guess whatever does happen is what is meant to be.
My family is falling apart. I watch my dad sink further and further into the most helpless I've ever seen him each and every day. He is loosing his job and his boss flies to Vegas for a Golf Outing. He orders a new company car while my dad is standing right there.
I am so scared for my family, I don't know what is going to happen to us and here I am letting everyone down.
My mom told me last night that I'm not the same person and that no one knows who I am anymore. Am I really that horrible? What about me is so bad? I didn't even sleep last night, all I could think about was what she said to me and it really hurts. Maybe she's right, maybe I am different, but I don't think its bad. In the past year I have changed, I've started working full time, I've struggled with school, I've met the love of my life, I've lost some friends and regained old ones and I've tried to stay afloat but maybe that's just not enough anymore.
I try to muster through the day at work and act like I am okay. Sometimes my job is the only thing keeping me going. Its really all that I have at this point and I'm lucky when there are so many that don't have anything.
I'm sorry to write such a depressing post because I normally don't do things like this....but I have to get it out somehow.....any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Haiku Friday - 100
The home page told me
this is my one hundredth blog.
Can't believe that one!
We should close on the house
by the end of next week, and
for that I am glad.
Spring is finally
here to stay it seems, woohoo!
No more cold mornings.
So I realize that jumped around a little bit, but its been another hectic week. Even though I'm on break from school till April 1st, I still feel overwhelmed. Things seem to change everyday with the house situation; now we have to wait for them to fix the title before we can close, which sucks, but nothing we can do about it. Since its the banks fault we won't be penalized if the closing happens after the 31st of this month, since that's what was stated in the contract. Everything else is in order and the financing, which is one of the more time consuming aspects of this whole ordeal. Now we just have to wait.....which I hate!!!!
So I FINALLY GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW!!! No more 8am Saturday class at Otterbein! I cannot wait to stay in bed till at least 8am....ahhhh it should be glorious!
So I FINALLY GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW!!! No more 8am Saturday class at Otterbein! I cannot wait to stay in bed till at least 8am....ahhhh it should be glorious!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday's Tribute - My man
I'm going to be a total corn-ball this week (so get over it!) and do my Tuesday Tribute to my wonderful boyfriend Andrew.
By Friday, Andrew will have purchased his very first home. Its taken a long time for him to get to this point. He lived with roommates (engaged to be married) when I first met him. They weren't always the most considerate or the most fun, but he made it work while he had too. Some events occurred that caused him to move out and back home with his parents. That made things really difficult for us at first. Both of us living at home was not very easy. While all this was going on, he also started a new job and so did I. Stress loomed over our relationship for the first time and things got a little rocky. Over a course of events we broke up, and then started hanging out again (slowly) and got back together. This was from about late September till late November.
I want to say that I was worried things would not work out, and that is a true statement. I didn't know what was going to happen to us. We were just starting to plan on moving in together....now what was I going to do?!?! After we worked through our issues and things settled down we started looking at houses again, on my side of town (once we realized we could not afford to live on the North end of Columbus). After a good two months of searching we found the place we will soon call home. I am proud of Andrew for being such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend and for doing what he could to make our dream happen. He's been extremely frugal the last few months, putting his Volvo project and all other purchases on hold. We've spent many evenings walking the isles of Lowes and Home Depot in search of ideas and now its all going to pay off.
Here is a recent and cute photo of us together. Click the button below that if you would like to learn more about Tuesday's Tribute or participate!
A Jay and Deb Production.
By Friday, Andrew will have purchased his very first home. Its taken a long time for him to get to this point. He lived with roommates (engaged to be married) when I first met him. They weren't always the most considerate or the most fun, but he made it work while he had too. Some events occurred that caused him to move out and back home with his parents. That made things really difficult for us at first. Both of us living at home was not very easy. While all this was going on, he also started a new job and so did I. Stress loomed over our relationship for the first time and things got a little rocky. Over a course of events we broke up, and then started hanging out again (slowly) and got back together. This was from about late September till late November.
I want to say that I was worried things would not work out, and that is a true statement. I didn't know what was going to happen to us. We were just starting to plan on moving in together....now what was I going to do?!?! After we worked through our issues and things settled down we started looking at houses again, on my side of town (once we realized we could not afford to live on the North end of Columbus). After a good two months of searching we found the place we will soon call home. I am proud of Andrew for being such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend and for doing what he could to make our dream happen. He's been extremely frugal the last few months, putting his Volvo project and all other purchases on hold. We've spent many evenings walking the isles of Lowes and Home Depot in search of ideas and now its all going to pay off.
Here is a recent and cute photo of us together. Click the button below that if you would like to learn more about Tuesday's Tribute or participate!
A Jay and Deb Production.
Monday, March 16, 2009
In just a week
We'll be closing on the house. It seems like this part of the process is going much faster than I had planned. If we don't close this Friday, it will be the 27th, which is fine. Its not like we can move right in or anything, but it would be nice to get in there and start working on the place. I am hoping to have things done in time for my birthday weekend and have a little get together!
I got to see my Otterbein girls this weekend, which was great! Megan came down from Cleveland and we all met up at El Vaquero in Hilliard for dinner and went downtown to Brothers afterward. Andrew and I didn't get home till 2:15am which means this is the latest I have stayed out since I can't even remember. I feel like such an old person. It was so good to see everyone and to catch up on life, I miss the old days when we all lived in the dorms together. I think even Andrew had a good time and he's not really the go to a bar and party type of person and I'm not really either these days. I'm more content to sit at home with a nice bottle of wine and just chill out.
Sunday we layed in bed till 9, which is late for Andrew who always wants to be up at 7 doing something. We went and got some food and then decided to take a bike ride. I'm for sure feeling the uncomfortable effects of the first bike ride of the season. After a few more times though it won't be so bad. I kinda miss where Andrew used to live in West Jefferson this time of year. We would ride our bikes down to McDonalds and get McFlurries and then wander through the dollar store and go play at the park. It was nice to have fun little places to go like that, but maybe soon we'll have new things to do in Pataskala at our new home!
This week should not be nearly as busy as last week, I have a few appointments but no school again till the first of April!!!!
I got to see my Otterbein girls this weekend, which was great! Megan came down from Cleveland and we all met up at El Vaquero in Hilliard for dinner and went downtown to Brothers afterward. Andrew and I didn't get home till 2:15am which means this is the latest I have stayed out since I can't even remember. I feel like such an old person. It was so good to see everyone and to catch up on life, I miss the old days when we all lived in the dorms together. I think even Andrew had a good time and he's not really the go to a bar and party type of person and I'm not really either these days. I'm more content to sit at home with a nice bottle of wine and just chill out.
Sunday we layed in bed till 9, which is late for Andrew who always wants to be up at 7 doing something. We went and got some food and then decided to take a bike ride. I'm for sure feeling the uncomfortable effects of the first bike ride of the season. After a few more times though it won't be so bad. I kinda miss where Andrew used to live in West Jefferson this time of year. We would ride our bikes down to McDonalds and get McFlurries and then wander through the dollar store and go play at the park. It was nice to have fun little places to go like that, but maybe soon we'll have new things to do in Pataskala at our new home!
This week should not be nearly as busy as last week, I have a few appointments but no school again till the first of April!!!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Haiku Friday - Caffeine Junkie
The smell of RedBull
lingers in my cubicle
its been there all week.
Exhausted from so
many worries and studies
it keeps me alive.
Finals are almost
over now. I am relieved.
Two weeks of no school.
As you might have guessed (or if you've been reading this week), I've been super busy. Work has been really overwhelming and I had finals as well. Last night I did my Public Relations class presentation and it went really well and everyone's projects were great! Tomorrow its math in the morning and then hopefully spending some time with my old college friends afterward.
I've been staying up so late this week and its really caught up with me. I usually need about 7 1/2 or 8 hours to function and each night I've gotten between 4 1/2 and 6 hours of sleep. I am hoping to catch up this weekend.
On the house front - we are doing an inspection tonight and the closing will most likely be next Friday, which is great because I took that day off work! Things are falling into place and I'll take some "before" photos of the renovation soon and put them up here!
I've been staying up so late this week and its really caught up with me. I usually need about 7 1/2 or 8 hours to function and each night I've gotten between 4 1/2 and 6 hours of sleep. I am hoping to catch up this weekend.
On the house front - we are doing an inspection tonight and the closing will most likely be next Friday, which is great because I took that day off work! Things are falling into place and I'll take some "before" photos of the renovation soon and put them up here!
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