Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Let the healing begin

I went to get the last of my things last night.....it sucked but it was fine. I didn't say more than about 5 words to him, we loaded up my bike and I sped out of the parking lot. I didn't even say goodbye, I think it was better that way. I cried on the way home and I think its because there was some potential there, and I learned a lot about myself along the way. Its sad that I'll miss his dog more than him, I grew so attached to her, she was wonderful and my little lovebug. Part of me hoped that he would call and just say I'm sorry one last time but I am glad that he didn't. I took his number out of my phone so there would be no temptation to call him, but I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it in my journal, just in case one day I feel the need to talk to him although I am sure he would not give me the time of day.

This morning I woke up and my heart didn't even hurt at all. I think since I already went through this once with him my healing will happen much faster, or at least I am hoping that it will. Sometimes I just wonder if all of these mistakes I have made in my love life will be worth it and if there really is someone out there waiting for me, longing for everything that I want in life. In a way looking back I knew that Andrew wasn't everything I dreamed of, he wasn't romantic, he didn't like to spoil me and he hated that I was so girly and prissy. Its best that now I just move on with my life and do something for me. I do want to move away, even if it is for a year and experience something new in my life. I want to fall in love so hard that I don't even know what hit me. I want someone to love me for who I really am inside and out.

So hear is to my healing, let it begin now!


Caitlyn said...

You are my rolemodel! If I were there I'd hug you. I miss you!

Mel said...

Wow. You sound like you're doing so well. Of course, let me know if you need anything. I forgot to mention I won't be home tonight, but again, if Friday is good for you, it is for me too. I'll call you when I get home from work tonight (left my phone there).

Amanda said...

Thank you to you both! I am honestly shocked that I am doing this well, but hey I'm not going to complain! Its better than feeling crappy all day!