Dreaming

This week has been interesting to say the least.....well interesting to me I suppose! So here is my Friday ramble for all of you and if it makes no sense, then just stop reading!

I found out a few things that were a bit odd as well. The first of them being, the guy I dated before Andrew (well the last long relationship I had before him) is engaged and his fiance is preggers. Now don't get me wrong, better them than me I suppose, but its just crazy. See, I dated this guy in high school and then again when I was 21. We were always friends after our high school breakup and when he joined the military we kept in touch. He'd come home to Ohio on leave and we'd have dinner or catch a movie. I really thought that we would be together for a long time and maybe that was foolish of me, but after trying to be a couple again, things just didn't work out. 3 to 4 days later he was dating another girl (the one he is currently with) and thankfully I was also able to move on sometime later and meet Andrew. So things worked out, but its just crazy to think that could have been me.

As much as I like to dream about married life and having a family, I'm happy with the way things are right now. I love Andrew and I know that a few years down the road we will be married and then in a few after that have our own family. I just want everything to be so perfect. I want to have the wedding I've always dreamed of and share that joy with everyone that has been so important in my life! I often find myself thinking about weddings I have been to that were just perfect, my many cousins, my good friend Sarah from college and Dave and Erica and how their weddings just suited them perfectly.

When I was with my last long time boyfriend, I dreamed of a flashy expensive wedding but with Andrew its different. Sure I still want a big wedding (mainly because I have a large family), but I'm not so sure that it needs to be flashy. I want to wear my moms dress, or something made from her dress. I want to get married outside, maybe at Andrew's parents farm. I want my bridesmaids to wear pretty knee length dresses and carry daisy's, maybe a reception in a big tent with a dance floor and music all night! But that is a little ways into the future so I've got plenty of time to keep dreaming I suppose!

So don't look for anything on my left hand except a promise ring for a little while, but don't expect me to stop dreaming!

A Small Update

Just a few things that have happened since my last post!

• Dad had a second interview today, he should know by the end of the week if he got the job or not!! Keep my family in your thoughts and prayers!! This is by far the best prospect he has had since the job search started back in late March/early April. For those who don't know he has been unemployed since April 17th after loosing his job of 26 years.
  

• Andrew and I are FINALLY going to visit my PA family on August 14th to the 16th!! I cannot wait for him to meet the rest of my family! My cousin who we will be staying with his having a garage sale that weekend as well, and she's set a box of things aside for us for the house! I am beyond thankful to have such a wonderful family! Andrew also has that whole week before off work and we are hopeful that the gas line will get hooked to the house so we can get our furnace and A/C installed!

• Oh and on a side note, 43 days till Steelers Football!
  

Spilling open

My random thoughts for the week ahead:

• I have not been sleeping well again. I get these crazy belly aches at night sometimes now, I am thinking that it is stress related but I am not sure. I need at least one red bull some mornings to make it through the day.

• My hair is getting really long again, I will try to take a picture later this week, but I just keep thinking back in the winter it was so short and dark and its only July and its grown a ton!

• I have really enjoyed being a "wifey" lately....haha, I must really be turning into my mother! I love to cook dinner every night and a big breakfast on the weekends and I don't mind cleaning as much now. I made biscuits and gravy from scratch this weekend and Andrew loved it! He's a pretty lucky boy if you ask me!

• We FINALLY got to take the boat out this weekend! Being busy with the house leaves no time for doing anything! Although we only caught one fish, it was still nice, and I worked on my farmers tan some more!

• My dad has a job interview yesterday, I am praying so hard that he gets this job! Its for a food service company that mostly deals with organic food products and items for people with food allergies, such as gluten and artificial sweeteners. He is supposed to hear something back by Wednesday so we will see what happens.
  

• I've really been neglecting my social life recently and that needs to change. I feel so overwhelmed and feel like my friends probably think I hate them or no longer have time for them. I know there are some that understand, and hell maybe all of them do, but I'm not sure. I find myself falling asleep after work when I tell people I'll call them or just all out forgetting and then the guilt sits with me for days.....I really suck at life sometimes. Then there are those few people I have not spoken to in months, some because of an idiotic fight that occurred over something very silly, I miss those people and they know who they are, but I know if I called they wouldn't answer or possibly changed their numbers. Maybe it is not worth it to begin with.

• The State Fair starts tomorrow and I cannot wait to go this weekend! Probably will be going with Andrew and his family if all goes to plan!
  

Haiku Friday

Love, lets run away
into the sweet white clouds that
that cool the summer nights.

I have no creative title

So the weekend was good and productive! Friday night Andrew had to work late so I layed around the house (after cleaning up the kitchen, which I now despise), watched a movie and even napped! He got home around 8:30pm (normally he is home at 6:15ish) and we ordered pizza and made margaritas!

Saturday morning we went to Goodwill in Pataskala with my mom, grandma, and my parents neighbor. I got some shirts and a pair of pants that sadly are too short but seemed okay in the store. We headed off to some garage sales after that and got a gas stove for.....$25.....yes you're reading that right! We have to have a gas appliance to have the gas line installed (which will mostly be for the new furnace) and the Energy Co-op could come out any day now to hook the line to the pipe in front of the house....I also got some dishes and more kitchen utensils that I didn't have. After that it was Lowes and Meijer and a night just being lazy at home. It rained on and off all day long and was really cold so we didn't do too much at the house. I did finally get my new light hung in the kitchen and scrubbed the floors downstairs while Andrew cleaned the garage.

Sunday we decided to go to Pataskala United Methodist church and found ourselves to be the odd men out in a congregation of about 20 people (mostly much older than us). The sermon was good and the pastor seemed really nice, everyone welcomed us and gave us more information about the church afterward. I know that people who know me well are aware that I was born and raised Catholic....but I am just testing the waters so to speak because I'd like to start attending a church with Andrew on a regular basis. We are still going to try out a few other churches around and find one that we like. We both know we are not into the "mega church" scene and that we want a more traditional service (I'm not all about the electric guitars and drums during mass/service, to me that's just a bit much). We headed out to see Andrew's family after church and spent the rest of the day with them.

I am anxious to get the house finished here soon and finally have people other than family over!!!

Haiku Friday - Oh what a week

Life has been hectic
but things have been super good
just need some more sleep.

I posted a tweet
and joined Twitter this week too.
One more site to share.

Two rooms left in the
house to be painted and cleaned.
Its such a relief!

Yes, you did read that right I joined twitter! I said I wasn't going to but, we'll see how I like it and it might not last for long. I'm giving it two weeks, since I am also on facebook, myspace and here and that is a lot to keep up on! If you'd like to follow me on twitter let me know and I'll send you my link. I can't decide if I want to put it on here yet or not.....

Oh and click the button at the top of the post for more Haikus and see my post below for updated photos of the house!

Hope that everyone has a good weekend :)

Yet another catch-up blog....

I know I said I wouldn't do this, but I did, I have been really bad about updating this blog....I will try to be better but no promises till I kinda get my life back! But I do have pictures, if that makes up for my absence!!

Here is the most recent big project at the house, painting the kitchen!

Before

After
And the lovely eating area!
Right now we are working on the bathroom (just need to put pulls on the drawers/install new faucet/hang towel bars), landscaping and office, so I will have more photos by the weekend or end of the week if all goes well! There are also gutters on the garage now and birds can't come in through the soffet anymore either. Grass is growing again where the yard got dug up as well!

Before
And after the grass was planted and the yard flattened back out

David and Erica also had the baby on Thursday, July 2nd - Isabelle Elaine, she was 7lbs 14oz and 21 3/4 inches long. She's got blonde hair with a funny swirl on the top of her head and she's quite a big, strong baby. She had a touch of jaundice but seems to be doing great now! Poor Erica was in labor for 27 hours but now mommy, daddy and baby are home and adjusting to being a family!

Haiku Friday - Ease my mind

I think I need some
Prozac, Zoloft something good.
I feel too anxious.

The fighting just sucks
I am so sick of feeling
like a ball of nerves.

I hope tonight goes
as well as I have dreamed it
and that this all stops.

I just want to be
happy in my life, dear Lord.
Please make that happen.

Dinner with the folks is tonight.......please see previous post for more information.......I don't want to type it all again......

Argumentative

*WARNING - this blog may end up being rather long*

Lately things have been nothing short of a roller coaster that has filled me with so many emotions, both good and bad. My mother (surprise) has been the main instigator of these arguments. I am so emotionally drained from the fighting and constant lack of respect she has toward me. I hardly sleep anymore and I'm always in a bad mood and its affecting every aspect of my life. I just want her to be happy for me and I want her to understand that I know within MY heart that I am making the right decision. She says that I've disrespected her, that I don't know how to take care of myself (mostly in aspects like washing my face and brushing my teeth - if you've ever been at my house around 9pm you'd know what I am talking about), that all Andrew and I are doing is "playing house" and that I can't keep promises I made to her. I am just so fed up and done with the arguments. On Thursday, Andrew and I are having dinner with my parents, to just sit down and talk about everything. I hope and pray that my dad does most of the talking because I can't take much more of the negative attitude my mother has.

I keep asking God if I am being punished for wanting to live with Andrew before we are married, but I don't think that is what's going on. My mom just wants me to stay, she can't come to grips with any of this and she feels that by fighting I won't want to go. But instead she is pushing me away, more and more with each mean stare or snippy phone call. My heart really can't take much more of this and I can feel myself falling apart. I've neglected so much because of these fights, not returning friends phone calls, not sleeping and not fulfilling other things that I need to do right now. So to the people that probably think I am ignoring them, I am so sorry and things will get back to normal soon!

I am so tired of having this dramatic family life, but I don't know how to be anything else. I find myself fighting with Andrew now too for no reason and its tearing me apart. I can't allow this to keep affecting my life in such a huge way. I'm tired of everyone telling me to "grow a backbone" or "just leave" because no one understands that it is just not that easy......no matter what you might think both of those options would make things worse. I am the oldest child, and a girl, so things aren't going be easy on me and they never have been before. I hate that I really only write about this in my blog, instead of about happy things.

I need a lot of prayer right now and I need to find some strength deep within me and finally break free of my mom. I wish that she would stop blaming our relationship on the fact that she didn't have a mother growing up because I think she looks at that as a way out. I pray that things go well on Thursday and that this "final dinner" will take a lot of weight off of my shoulders. I can't go on like this much longer.