Thursday, February 4, 2010

Vivid Dreams

Over the last two or three months I've been having very vivid dreams about my grandparents who live in Pennsylvania. My grandpa passed away in 1999 and my grandma has been in a nursing home for quite sometime. No one in our family owns their old house, but all of my dreams take place there. Someone bought the house about a year ago and I drove past while Andrew and I were in town this summer. I think I've been having these dreams because its coming up on the anniversary of when he died, February 6th - this coming Saturday. I can't believe that he has been gone for 11 years, that he won't be here to see me get married or to see his great-grandchildren. It makes my heart hurt deep.

The dream I had last night was strange. My grandpa wasn't there but my grandma was and she looked terrible, but her hair was long (its always been short) and tied back with a ribbon. The house was much the same as it was the last time I was in there, even down to the tiniest details. There was now an island in the kitchen and no table, but other than that all the same. In all of these dreams I am a little girl and my brother is young but my parents look just like they do today. They were all there, my family that is and my aunt who lives in Toledo. My brother and I were upstairs in one of the bedrooms watching a movie and my family was down in the kitchen. I walked down the hallway and started telling my mom, "You told me they changed everything in this house, but nothing looks different, there is no shower in the bathroom and all the rooms are the same." She just stared at me and followed me around. When we got back to the kitchen my dad was destroying the island the new owners had put in and I remember asking my mom why the new people were letting us stay there, she just kept repeating, "because this is ours Amanda, they said it was okay, this all belongs to us and they just live here."

The other dreams I've had my grandpa always appears in a strange place telling me things about my family and his life and their home, things there is no way I could ever dream up. A lot of times in my dreams too he is crying and I wake up feeling like he was just there, holding my hand. I've always believed in angels and I know that my grandpa is up there watching over me and helping me in my life and in fact with the date that his death falls on, I believe he brought Andrew to me as well. He knew that I needed someone in my life to love me for who I was and to take care of me. Although I didn't get to spend much time with my grandpa when he was alive since we lived two states away, I always felt we shared a special bond. He taught me to Polka, how to sing all the songs at church, what it meant to be Polish and how to love people unconditionally.

I miss you so much Grandpap, keep watching over me.

2 comments:

Zaharia said...
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marfmom said...

Aww, that's beautiful. I believe in angels too. My grampa died 4 days before Miles was born. His funeral happened while I was prepping for my c-section. I knew how hard Grampa was trying to stay alive long enough to see a picture of my baby and I'm sure he is watching over him, just like your grampa is watching over you :-)