When the discussion of marriage first started between Andrew and myself there was plenty of talk on my part about the romance of getting engaged and married. I find it adorable that he wants everything to be surprise, from the ring to the proposal itself and found myself dreaming of all the possible ways he will ask me.
But soon the romance turned to a more serious discussion, the discussion of a pre-nup. To me, a pre-nup is something rich people have or people who are entering into a second marriage and have the interest of their children to protect. But for Andrew, its "an insurance policy for the relationship, a way for me to protect my stuff because you know what if you want to take my boat or my van when you get all bitter and want to divorce me." When I argued that it takes away the romance of marriage I don't think he quite understood where I was coming from, I felt my heart slowly falling apart and I wasn't sure what to do.
This discussion went on for months, I did my fair share of internet research and finally decided it would be a good idea for both of us to meet with his family lawyer and figure out if we really needed a pre-nup. So one dreary December day, we headed to his office. I had been writing down questions for months, not a lot of conversation went on during our 35 minute drive and when we arrived I got nervous. What if Andrew is doing this because he doesn't think or marriage can last? What if he thinks I'm a gold digger?
Although the family lawyer doesn't write pre-nups, he gave us some worthwhile advice from all of his experience dealing in family matters and the man did have some good advice for both of us. After voicing our concerns about marriage, divorce, inheritance and children this was the advice he had to offer.
He told Andrew that any inheritance he would gain would be his alone as long as it was not placed into a joint account and that the same went for anything I would inherit. He told us it would not deal with custody of children should we have any or anything that is considered "marital property." As we both weighed his opinion in our minds I could see that this was not something we needed. We would both have to get our own lawyer (big $$) just to have a pre-nup written, both parties would have to agree on every sentence and word and there would be no turning back once it was signed. I totally understood where Andrew was coming from when he mentioned how bitter and vindictive people can become during a divorce but I was also hoping he would understand that I don't believe in divorce (in most cases).
I was so relieved when we left the office and Andrew had decided that the whole thing was a bad idea. He's a really cheap person, and paying for two lawyers didn't sound like such a good idea to him. I had a feeling that we would end up not having a pre-nup at all but I had to at least let him talk it out with an unbiased party. Now I can spend my time worrying about planning a wedding instead of planning out a pre-nup.