Getting my life back on track

I've now been working for five weeks and I've had my first two paychecks! Its great to be working again and last Thursday I was officially done with orientation. Its nice to have my own money again (even if a lot of it goes to my student loans every month) and to have somewhat of a routine.

But everything else in my life seems to have gone by the wayside. My house....well, to put it lightly is a total disaster and although I've vacuumed around the piles of clutter, done dishes and a few small things I can't stand the mess any longer. I finally got around to some spring cleaning on Friday and Saturday but left the messiest room of all to do later, our office/catch all for crap. I'll probably get to that tomorrow before I work the remainder of the week.

I've been able to spend time with a few friends and my family recently, which is something I've been missing. I saw a good friend from college the other night and I've spent some time with my parents and grandparents as well as my brother. Family time has become super important recently since we found out my grandpa has lung cancer. I haven't talked about it much on here, Facebook or Twitter because its been hard to take. In a week we'll know what stage he is and how the course of treatment will go, but for now we just know that it's cancer and there is a mass under his right lung.

Also, as if I need more on my plate, I applied to take some college classes in the hopes that in a few years I can get my real estate license.

Next on the agenda: get started on my gardening (if the spring weather ever comes back), get the messy office cleaned and find a minute to relax.

I just can't wait!

My daffodils and tulips are poking up out of the ground, the star magnolia bush is almost ready to bloom, my day lilies are turning from brown to green and all of these things mean SPRING!!

It seems as though this winter has lasted for a long time and I'm ready to see it go. I'd love to not wear a winter coat to work everyday, to be able to open the windows and spend more time outside. There's nothing I love more than it being just warm enough to turn off the furnace during the day and hang clothes on the line. I'm also excited to get started on my square foot garden and planting flowers.

In other news: I'm trying not to be so bummed out about my job situation and I'm continuing to look for something where I can use my degree more. Starting in May I can sort of create my own schedule, so that will be nice as well. We're trying to figure out where we'd like to go on vacation this summer - I'd like to go to Nashville or Dollywood (don't judge) but I'm sure we'll end up going fishing somewhere. I also cannot believe that its March already and I've been working at my new job for a month.

What do all of you love about spring?!?!

detroit rock city

This weekend was just what I needed, some time away from home and lots of fun!! We headed out up to Detroit for a work function Andrew's company hosted on Saturday morning for a one night stay at the Greektown Casino. Typically spouses/significant others don't get to come on these fun outings so I was excited when I found out the ladies were invited. Besides that, if you read my previous post, I've been a little down in the dumps and some fun was just what I needed.

We arrived Saturday afternoon a few hours before check-in but we were able to get to our room early - our view from the 23rd floor was AMAZING



After we got situated we headed down to the casino with our spending money and played some slots and ended up loosing quite a bit of cash right away. The party for Andrew's company started at 5pm with cocktails and photo booth pictures followed by dinner and awards. It was nice to finally meet all the people I hear him talk about from work. Following dinner we went to gamble more and won back all the money we lost earlier in the night.

We took a nice walk around Greektown on Sunday morning to see some of the shops and a a German-Catholic Church that was right next to the casino.

I don't think I'll ever be a "casino regular" but it was fun to do something a little different.

Funk or Quarter Life Crisis

Something's been going on with me lately and I can't quite figure it out....I'm either in a terrible rut or this is my "quarter life crisis."

This last month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I was so excited to finally be working again, but the job is not what I expected and I feel really overwhelmed. I don't want to sound like I'm being ungrateful because I know there are so many people looking for jobs, but please just hear me out. I feel like, and I know, that I'm not where I want to be in my career because I didn't graduate from college on time. It was a big and very hard decision for me to decide to go back to school last summer, quit my job and focus on getting my degree.

I just "assumed" that when I was done with school I would be able to find a job in my field, I've had two internships and many jobs that have helped me to build a really good resume. I know that I have a great work ethic that is appealing to employers in times like these, but none of those people wanted to hire me. I applied for nearly 150 jobs from October to the present and only had two interviews. I started applying for jobs that I could have done without my degree because I needed the money, I had to find a way to pay back those loans. So I went back to a receptionist job thinking it would be a good way to get my foot in the door.

In the last two weeks, I've felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and doubt and its been affecting every aspect of my life. Most of the anxiety has been related to my job and the rest of it to all of this debt that I have. I've made an appointment to go and talk to my doctor but he can't see me till the end of the month. I feel like all of the time I spent going back to school to fix all the mistakes I made when I was young was a total waste of time. My degree hasn't really done me much good and I feel sick about it. I haven't been sleeping much, my social life is basically non-existent and at the end of the day I just want to be left alone. I really need something to pull me out of this funk and I'm open to any suggestions because I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this.

I hate writing such a "downer" post, but I really needed to get this out. Its something that I feel needs to be shared so other people going through something similar don't feel alone. Its also therapeutic for me to get this out there so its not weighing on me so heavily. I'm hoping that since we are going out of town this weekend I'll have some time to unwind and stop thinking about work and stress for a few days. Nothing like a free nights stay at a casino and some free food and alcohol to brighten the spirit right?!?!

Three days I'd like to forget

*Disclaimer - I wrote this post last week and forgot to publish. The events below happened from March first to the third.*

This week has not exactly been sunshine and rainbows or unicorns and glitter. Its been more like nails on a chalkboard or someone rubbing styrofoam together right next to your ear.....let me just summarize for you what's been going on.

Monday: I worked my first 12 hour shift which really wasn't all that bad. The last two hours went by rather slow, but I survived. I had to get my second TB test because anyone who works in healthcare has to get a two-step. The nurse who gave me the skin test was not very nice and stuck me good and hard. I got home around 8pm and basically collapsed.

Tuesday: I worked half a day with my preceptor and the other half shadowing on the floor where I will actually work and got to see how they do things a little different. The place on my arm where the TB test was given was also itchy, red and had a good sized lump which means that you may have been exposed to TB. It bothered me all morning and my manager suggested I go have it looked at so I did. I was told to come back Wednesday for a definitive answer on the test since it cannot be read for 48 hours. Thankfully this was only an eight hour day.

Wednesday: Came in to find out that our fax/copier broken as well as the fridge in the break room and some of the nurse phones. I still had a lump on my arm as well and it was itching like crazy. I got walked in on while pulling up my pants in our unisex bathroom by a very attractive doctor or med student (he was just as embarrassed as me). This was also another 12 hour day. Prior to lunch I headed back down to employee health to have my arm looked at and was seen by a doctor this time instead of a RN or NP. They measured the lump on my arm and since it was 10mm I had to get a chest xray to see if there were any signs of TB in my lungs. More than likely, I just had a reaction to the skin test but I won't know until later this afternoon.

I am happy to say that my chest xray came back negative but sad to say there is still a red patch on my arm from the dumb TB test. I think I needed to write this post because I was so frustrated. Starting this new job has not been easy but I'm trying my best to make it work.