So the weekend was good yet again. Friday night I hung out with Erica and David and Andrew for a little bit. I was exhausted and left early to get some sleep.
Saturday I got up and went over to Andrews thinking we were going fishing all day, well that never happened. We didn't go to the haunted house either, which pissed me off but whatever. We did have fun though and it was good to just relax for the day. We ended up hanging out all afternoon, going out to dinner at the Chinese Buffet and then going back to Dave and Erica's to have some drinks. Lets just say that I had one too many, maybe Erica did too....we had an emotional moment together out on the porch. I've been needing a good cry, sometimes those emotional drunken cries are the best kind! I've just been having a hard time lately dealing with the way that my life is going and how I feel like I have nothing to show for everything that I do. I know that I am not the only one who feels so lost emotionally, but its hard sometimes to know what those feelings really mean.
I've been feeling really angry lately as well and I am not sure why. For now I'll blame it on the change of seasons and the fact that I am pretty sure I have seasonal affective disorder and that I hate the cold with a passion. Maybe a mini-vacation would help me feel better. I might see if Andrew wants to go to his brothers cabin in northern Indiana this coming weekend. It might be nice to just get the hell out of here for a few days and leave this all behind. I hate to think that the depression I had almost 3 years ago is going to make another ugly appearance in my life, but that might just be the case. At that time though, things were much different in my life. A bad relationship had just ended, I was drinking and partying way too much that summer, I never wanted to get out of bed and I didn't eat for about 2 weeks. Now the fist of adult life just keeps punching me in the gut making me feel terrible all of the time. I am sick of feeling like this and I really want it to go away.....before I end up chasing away the one person who means the world to me and loose him forever.
And another work week has begun and once again it will be a stressful one. Everyone here likes to wait till the last minute to do everything and then it all gets dumped on me. Sorry for the rant and depressing conversation, I'm just really down in the dumps right now......
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3 comments:
Hey! I know things aren't going how you want in life right now, but that doesn't mean you have nothing to show for it. You have a healthy relationship with a good guy, are THIS CLOSE (like me!) to a Bachelor's, and have friends who LOVE you!!! You can't measure your life by the world's standards. Heck, if I did that, I would have dropped out of college the instant I found out I was pregnant. Do things that make you happy. And maybe crack open your Bible and read some of the four gospels, if you're still religious! ;) I LOVE YOU!!
Thanks hun, it really means a lot to me to have good friends and to almost be done with school. It just gets hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been going to church more now and even started singing with my parents for mass!
Hang in there! I know that anytime depression threatens to overtake me, talk therapy always helps me out. Sometimes it takes a few sessions. And many practices will do Title 20 (I think that's what it's called) and/or a sliding fee scale. If nothing else, call me any evening if you need to talk.
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