Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Are you for real?

So I got into work today, its snowing out and the roads were crappy so you might make the educated guess that it is cold outside.....and guess what....THE AIR CONDITIONING IS STILL ON HERE AND SET AT 69!!!! I mean really, its not like we are still in an Indian Summer or anything of the sort....it is snowing and its below 30 at some points during the day!!!!!! I am so glad that I bought my space heater bc without it I don't know what I would do. I already feel like crap from exhausting myself over the weekend, I am loosing my voice and I am all stuffed up, being cold is not going to help me get better.....I really hope that they break the AC again, you'd think it would be turned off by now but no....my guess is that it will be turned on all winter and the heat will never come on. Sorry, I needed to rant about that, anyone else in the same boat at their workplace? I am going to doubt it, but you never know.

This week, though its only Tuesday has been strange. I've still be talking to Andrew (yeah yeah I know I know) and its really weird at this point. I'm not sure what to do, he changes his mind about everything almost every single day. He calls me either because he is bored or misses me or has no one else to talk to about things that are going on in his life (problems at work, the winter weather, and whatever else is going on). After talking to one of my best friends Jessica about it last night I've decided to just let whatever happens happen. I'm only going to put as much effort into being friends or whatever we are as he is and once I see that the effort is going no where then its time to just bail out. He said some things to me that make me want to think that one day this could work itself out, but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up, not for one second.

He told me on Sunday night that he is scared to just be with me and no one else forever, and I can understand that. Things changed when he moved home and I know his family needs him right now.....if its meant to be it will work out and if not then I haven't invested feelings into this that I didn't already have for him. We both miss one another and we are both pretty miserable and not sure what to do, its hard and I'm not sure how to explain it. We are going to dinner on Saturday night, so we'll see how it goes and just go from there. Any advice would be appreciated since I've never really been in a situation like this.....maybe with the exception of Doug bc we tried to work things out once, but that was a different situation, we had a tumultious relationship that was never going to work out. This thing might be a different story.

So here is to me freezing my butt off at work again all day.....I better get going on some of the stuff I have to do, although blogging is much more fun!


Honey Mommy said...

Sounds like you could use a warm, fuzzy blanket... and some more sleep! I hate it when my workplace can't get the climate control right!

As for Andrew, my only issue would be trust. It's hard to trust someone and build something together if he keeps changing his mind. Who knows though? In time it could work out.

Have a good (less chilly!) day!

Amanda said...

Honey Mommy - I have thought about bringing a blanket to work, I just always forget to toss one in the car.

Yeah, I'm still really on the fence about the whole deal with him, trust is the biggest thing for me right now and he knows it would take a lot of work to make this work out....but we'll see!

Caitlyn said...

Well, all of my advice about break-ups is tainted because of the experience I had, but one time after we had broken up he called me at 3am and told me he loved me. Sometimes they realize the mistake they've made, that doesn't make them any more right for you. Or less of an idiot.

Mel said...

Two experiences here: Once when I was the dumped, and I felt like I hadn't gotten the chance to try and make it work - but that was a lot shorter than you and Andrew.

Secondly, when I was the dumper. I realized I'd made a huge mistak, and well... you know how that ended. (You don't? Hint: I'm still with him.) :)

That said, you may want to try to trade in your magnifying glass for a telescope. How do you think you'll feel about this when you look back on it in a few months? Years?

I'm all for trying to work out a relationship, if it's worth saving. But that's what you've gotta ask yourself.

Amanda said...

Caitlyn - yeah I know what you mean, its just hard bc we get along so well and did have a really good relationship, which makes it hard for me to give up.

Melissa - I am still trying to decide if all of the effort will be worth it or not. There are so many emotions and so much hope is still lingering for me and him that we can make it work, I guess after Saturday I'll have a better idea of how things are going to go.

Wayfaring Wanderer said...

I've got the opposite going on in my office.....the heat is cranked up too freaking high & I sweat my tail off! I wore short sleeves today so I don't heat to death!!

I think you have a pretty good handle on the bf thing.....that seems like a good attitude to have......whatever happens, happens......no sense in forcing it!

Amanda said...

Wayfaring - After talking to him last night we are both on the same page as far as that is concerned, we are just going to let things happen and not be disappointed no matter the outcome. I wish it was warmer here....it was 19 this morning and the AC is still on!