Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday morning

It's 9am.....I'm having my coffee and catching up on blogs, super excited to see that my bestest friends son is walking, but at the same time feeling horrible.....(but not about that Mel :)

I spent the whole weekend with Andrew (yes, for those wondering I am still not living at the house), we went to tons of garage sales yesterday then went to get his project Volvo, welder and power washer at the farm. Then it was dinner with the family at Olive Garden and unloading the trailer of crap. I stayed the night both Friday and Saturday much to my mothers dismay.....so there is where the being upset comes in......I honestly think that she lives to argue with me.

When I came home about an hour ago she told me that God knows I live in sin and how horrible of a person I am, she looks at me like the sight of me makes her want to vomit and I swear I am not exaggerating this at all.....

When I am around her, I feel like a totally different person, I can't act like I am happy because she doesn't want me to be and anymore she really brings me down. I've been going to counseling and even my counselor says it will be much better when I move out. She feels that my relationship with my mom has a lot to do with my anxiety, depression and nervous moods. I was not surprised by this at all since she is not the first person to tell me this. She tells me I am "heavy" and that my face looks "awful" and when I don't do my hair the way she likes it, well then I really, "look like I don't care about my appearance." I've also heard the following come out of her mouth: "you've really let yourself go" - "I can't believe that you dressed like that to go out to dinner with Andrew" - "he must really not care about how you dress or if you wear make up, that's awful" - "everyone hates the person that you have become" - that is the one that stings the most

I don't care to speak to her and she is only "fake" nice to me when other people are around.....I wanted to move out this weekend but now that she is telling me I'm going to hell, maybe that is not such a good idea right now......

1 comment:

Caitlyn said...

Hey, let's be honest, if your mom is going to say that now she's going to say it later. If your therapist or whoever you're talking to thinks that she is the cause of your emotional issues, get out as soon as you can. The things she's saying are obviously lies. To me, they say that she is jealous of you for some reason, and probably under a lot of stress. Hang in there, you have plenty of people who love you!