Monday, December 21, 2009

That spirit of Christmas

This weekend was the first of three Christmas celebrations for me, this one with my dad's parents before they go back to Florida for the winter. It didn't feel like much of a celebration, but more like something my grandma was forced to do. It was a chaotic day, their cat got sick that morning and had to be taken to a MedVet halfway across town and we ate lunch late. No one watched each other open gifts, the little ones just tore things open and threw them around, no one seemed to be in a Christmas mood. There was no laughing and joking, no card playing and no music. My mom was extremely emotional all day and I think she was good at hiding her emotions about my dad's job situation until now. No one in our family cares what we are going through, they try to understand but we all know that they don't. I have a hard time being around a lot of them anymore, the glares and rude comments from my aunt and the way that everyone acts like my family tries to be a charity case.

I also missed out on the memorial service for Andrew's grandma because my family couldn't do this deal later in the afternoon. Part of me wishes that I didn't go at all, that's how uncomfortable the whole day was.

I've decided to spend the night at my parents house on Christmas Eve, maybe to alleviate some of the emotions my mom is having about Christmas. I don't think Andrew understands, but maybe someday he will. My mom hasn't baked a single cookie, she only put up one tree this year and decorated just one room.

I can only pray that the new year will bring new hope for my dad trying to find a job. I'm sorry for such a depressing post, but I just needed to get this out.

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