Thursday, April 22, 2010

I can't believe after all these years.....

I'm still talking about/annoyed with/struggling to cure my acne. My skin has never been and will probably never be perfect. I know that maybe 60% of that is my fault. I pick at my face (not nearly as much as I used to) I'm not religious about washing it at night but I'm getting better. I wear make up and I don't constantly change my pillow case. But my mom and dad both had horrible acne so 40% is there genetics.

I just hate that I was cursed with such an awful thing that has affected every aspect of my life. My self esteem has always been low - at 9 years old I started to break out, that is quite traumatic for a young girl. My mom let me start wearing makeup in 4th grade because I felt so awful about the way I looked. I started going to the dermatologist shortly after, the third best dermatologist in the country and the founder of the dermatology program at the Ohio State University. I went on every pill, topical gel/lotion and face wash and I cannot fathom how much money my parents spent on my skin.

When I was 20 my parents finally decided that I could go on Acutane, a very powerful acne medication with a lot of side effects. At this point in time my face was at its worst, I wasn't just breaking out in the T-zone (forehead, nose and chin) but I was breaking out on my back, chest and all over my face. Three months into taking the medication I had lost some hair, had horribly dry skin and bloody noses pretty frequently (all of these were normal side effects). I also had problems seeing at night and my appetite went out of whack. I still get a few break outs now and then but for the most part my skin has calmed down.

I recently just started using some more organic methods for my skin, taking Zinc and using a Tea Tree Oil and Witch Hazel cleansing pad at night. I read a lot about the Zinc online and apparently it can help cure the redness of acne scaring as well as preventing future breakouts so we'll see how it goes. But honestly, I still talk about my acne a lot and feel very self conscious about it to this day. I wish I had the money to get microdermabrasion but its horribly expensive and not covered by insurance. Maybe it will just go away on its own someday.....or maybe not.

So what are you angry at yourself about or what writers workshop prompt did you choose?

Click the button below to play along.

Mama's Losin' It

8 comments:

paige said...

That's a really tough thing to deal with. I never had really bad acne, but I would be tramatized by just a little breakout. I hope it clears up for you soon!

Kathy G said...

I also chose being mad at myself, check it out http://amothersseason.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-am-mad-at-myself.html

Michelle said...

I've never really dealt with acne...my whole life I had clear skin. I used to clean my face every day with Sea breeze.

UNTIL

this pregnancy.

I cannot stop getting pimples. blah.

Nessa said...

I never had acne as a kid - but got it in my twenties... it is such a hard thing to live with - thank you for your story.

amy said...

Acne is tough. I've suffered some with it and tried acutane and other meds. My mom still struggles and she's in her sixties. Good luck with the Zinc and Witch Hazel. Thanks for sharing your story.

www.thefamilytrifecta.com

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I can see you being mad at the acne...but at yourself?

It seems like you've done all that you can to take care of it...I think I'd be mad at genetics more than myself.

I hope you find the perfect combination of meds and cleansing products to make the difference!

pegbur7 said...

I feel bad for you. I know how it is. I have adult acne and mine is worse now (in almost menopause) than it was when I was a teenager.

Suzie Que said...

I only know you from this blog but I've never noticed your skin. Meaning, it is not apparent to this stranger that you have acne. I know it's no consolation after dealing with it through some of the most difficult developmental years of life. I hope the new 'tincture' works. I've used it before and added a little apple cider vinegar. Stinky, but it did the trick and wasn't drying.