My goal of having a good attitude this week totally went into the toilet yesterday. I've become so frustrated at this point that I can hardly control my emotions and its starting to get really annoying.
Yesterday was an insane day at work, busy, crazy and there were lots of moody/annoyed people yelling at me. Throughout the day, I was texting back and forth with Andrew about my wanting/needing a new car, things we need to buy and how we're broke as a joke. I'm so tired of feeling like we will never get ahead and thinking about all the stuff we need just makes it worse. I got depressed thinking about the recent job opportunity that I didn't get, how I hardly make any money and I feel like everything with my career is a dead end. I've got a piece of paper worth over $70,000 that hasn't done me any good. Sometimes I think I should have bought a house instead of going to college to be quite honest.
Then to top it off, Andrew's brother (who works at the same place as me and doesn't have a degree), got a promotion and raise. He constantly brags about doing nothing at work and here I am busting my butt and I can't even get an interview. I know I sound bitter and bitchy, but I just can't help it. He's worked here a little longer than me, but still I just don't feel like its fair.
I cried the whole way home from work, so hard that I could hardly see to drive. I hardly said two words to Andrew last night, I just layed my head on his shoulder and sobbed. I didn't even know how to explain to him why I couldn't stop crying.
I think its been building up inside of me for so long, the feelings of just total disappointment with my career are eating away at me. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I don't want to see my friends or even talk to them on the phone - I know that this is depression in its purest form and I hate that I've let it come back into my life. I'm hoping that spending time with a good college friend this weekend will help along with going to the walk for Ovarian Cancer on Sunday (although that's emotional too because of the women we've lost this year). I'm open to any suggestions on how to make myself feel better or if its time to seek professional help. Thanks to all of you who read this and leave such wonderful comments!