Thursday, October 11, 2012

3 weeks to the day

As I had mentioned in an earlier post, my grandpa was put into hospice while I was on my work trip to DC in early September.  That week I was away, was a wirlwind of sleepless nights, stress and a lot of anxiety.  I could not wait to get home, I knew things were not good, I could hear the worry in my mom's voice and in Andrew's voice when I had a brief moment to actually call home.
I arrived home from DC very late in the evening on September 12th and got to my grandparents house as soon as I could the next morning.  We were given a four day weekend when we got back from our conference, I was so thankful for those extra two days off.  The social worker came to meet with us and told us it could be any day now and her goal was to make sure he was comfortable and that my grandma had as much help as she needed to care for him in their home.  Seeing him was quite a shocker, he was in a hospital bed, so thin and tired looking and I was doing everything in my power not to cry in front of him. 

I stayed the night with him Friday night and knew that I was going to be frantic and busy the following week with the wedding.  A few days before the wedding, he started to get worse.  He wasn't eating much and had pretty much stopped talking.  My grandma had a volunteer come sit with him so she could come to our ceremony and it was so emotional for her to leave him alone just for that one hour.  My heart broke when she walked into the bridesroom to see me and for the first time all day on my wedding day I cried. 

The Sunday after our wedding we went to see my grandpa again, knowing we'd be leaving for our honeymoon on Monday.  He was even more silent and didn't eat a thing.  His eyes looked strange and I wasn't even sure if he knew we were there.  I cried the whole way home and really couldn't decide if we should go on our honeymoon or not.  My grandma and family insisted that we go and have a good time so Monday morning we headed for Kentucky.

Thursday the 27th we arrived at Mammoth Cave after a whole morning of driving and sat down for lunch.  That was when I got the call from my hysterical brother telling me that he had passed away.  I didn't know what to say or think, part of me was glad he wasn't suffering but part of me knew that going home was going to be so hard.  We drove through the night and got back to Columbus at midnight and spent the entire next day with my family.  The whole weekend, the service, the funeral everything was such a wirlwind and didn't seem real.  I realized that day how lucky I was to have married Andrew, he never let go of my hand every moment he was with me those two days at the funeral home.  He held me, let me talk and sleep when I felt emotionaly exhausted - I feel even more in love with him.  It was so hard to watch my grandparents 59 year marriage end and think about our life together only beginning. 

I don't have any regrets that we went on our honeymoon, though I did feel pulled to come home I know that he would have wanted me to have fun and relax.  I know I'll never get over loosing him but with each passing day it grows easier and I know he'll forever be watching over me and Andrew.


K said...

It is so hard to see aloved one in hospice care! So sorry that you had to deal with all of that around your wedding! Glad you got to spend some time with him though!

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry, my love. Keeping you in my thoughts. xo

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear about your grandpa! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

Maya said...

I'm really sorry about your grandfather :-(