My mom called me last week with some awful news about a very dear friend of our family. She had a rare brain disorder and would pass away within four weeks. Up until this point, she was fairly healthy but was experiencing issues with her balance which they thought might be vertigo. My heart exploded with sadness and I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I kept thinking about seeing her at my brothers wedding, at my wedding and how full of life she was when behind her eyes her brain was slowly fading away until one day she didn't know her own husband and then slipped into a coma just day later. She didn't last the four weeks they had predicted and passed away this Tuesday.
This morning I ordered flowers on behalf of our family to send to the funeral home and as I clicked on the FTD website, so many feelings overwhelmed me. I thought about how I would feel if that was my own mother, if I knew that out there so many people were sending condolences and flowers to a funeral home for her. Then the smells of those flowers suddenly overtook me and I was transported back to this fall at my own grandfathers funeral, how we read each card and carefully looked at each arrangement. I can't imagine doing that for my own mother like our dear friends three children. I just pray there her family is able to find peace knowing that she is watching over them and will be waiting to meet them again someday.
It's moments like this that make me realize that living with bitterness in my heart or harsh words on my tongue is just not worth it. I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed these days and though I blame it on my pregnancy I know it's still possible for me to control my emotions. Life really is much too short. We all get too wrapped up in the drama and the fast paced way of life but we should all take a moment to step back and see what is really important. We should take the time to watch a sunrise, call someone we haven't talked to in a while, give someone a hug, tell someone we love them and to live life to the fullest.
I know I'm just as guilty as anyone in "saying one thing and doing another" but watching my dad loose his best friend really puts things into perspective. When we heard the news of her passing, my dad immediately mentioned the song "Lightening Crashes" and how with each death there is a new life and that I am carrying that new life right now. I'm sure that brings him some peace to know that life will go on though it will be hard without someone there to share those moments.
My hope is that I can find the time to quiet out the world more and spend more time focusing on the beauty of life. I hope that I can spend less time being better and upset about trivial things and spend more time being loving and caring. I think becoming a mother will surely help my cause.