October 2nd rolled around quickly and I had my appointment with the midwife that afternoon. I arrived at the office and felt anxious sitting in that waiting room. I was surrounded by women who looked to be at the end of their pregnancies, reading books, rubbing their bellies and their husbands, boyfriends, support persons were right their next to them. I waited for 15 minutes before the nurse called me back for the usual weight and blood pressure check. Both were fine and she took me back to the room to get the heart tones. The baby kept running away from her and she seemed frustrated and asked my midwife to get the heart tones instead.
Once my midwife came into the room, I felt quite a bit better. I have never felt so comfortable with a medical professional in my life. She's honest, sweet, compassionate and funny which I think are all very important qualities in someone who's going to deliver your baby. After she chased baby girl around, she found the heart tones, did my measurements and sat me back up. It was the moment I needed to tell her how I was feeling. She asked about my physical symptoms and I told her about the backpain and heart burn that had been making me crazy. She suggested some exercises and sleep positions and then we moved onto my emotions.
"I feel like everyone expects me to be jumping for joy all the time and just glowing about this baby, but I'm just not. I feel worried, anxious and depressed more often than not and it's really starting to take a toll on my life." She thought for a minute and said, "Anxiety is totally a normal part of pregnancy, but when it starts to affect the rest of your life that is when we feel the need to be concerned. Women who have depression and anxiety while they are pregnant are at a higher risk for post partum depression so we need to take care of this now. I'm going to put you on a low dose of Lexapro and see how you feel when you come back for your gestational diabetes scan. If in the mean time, you don't feel like it's working or you think you need a higher dose just call into the office and we will get it figured out." We went over the side effects and the fact that it should start working within a week instead of a month like some drugs in that same class. I was happy that I would be able to see a result sooner rather than later.
I suppose I was expecting her to say that I needed medication and that this could lead to something bigger. I felt better for telling her what was going on and I honestly had not even thought about how this anxiety would affect me after the baby was born.
After just a week I started to feel worlds better, I noticed a decrease in my anxiety and my emotions were a lot more in balance. Now that I've been on the medication for almost three weeks, I feel like my old self again. I've been able to get motivated to get the nursery going again, took a truckload (literally) of stuff from the room and our basement to Goodwill and after tonight the room will be totally cleaned out! Andrew can get started on the painting any time now!
I never expected to have my pregnancy be the cause of such anxiety but I am thankful to have an amazing midwife who was able to help me along. I'm also thankful to the support of all of you, my husband, my family and my friends. Not all of them know exactly what has been going on, but just having them there to talk is the best feeling in the world.