Today is my due date

Well, here we are, it's January 20th and I am not yet holding a beautiful little (yet to be named) baby girl in my arms.  I had a feeling this would happen and I know it's not quite 4pm here in central Ohio but I can pretty much assume she won't be born today.

I haven't felt any different, though I've nested a little.  I cleaned and sterilized all the bottles that go with my breast pump, cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the living room and finished the laundry.  I still want to organize a few things in the nursery, maybe after dinner.  To be honest, I've been feeling a huge mix of emotions today.  I feel thankful to have made it full term with my pregnancy as I know many mom's who have not, I'm glad I've had a fairly easy pregnancy and that there was no medical need to induce me as of yet. 

But I'm sad that I was told on Friday I was still only 1cm dilated and 80% effaced, I'm sad that I had a false alarm and thought I was in labor on Thursday only to go to the hospital and find out that was not the case and I'm sad that I am still not holding that little baby in my arms.  I've tried some of the old wives tales to induce labor to no avail so I've spent most of today tidying things up around the house, relaxing and waiting for Andrew to come home from an unexpected day at work. 

Everyone keeps calling to see if I'm in labor, my phone hasn't stopped alerting me of calls and texts all day.  My mom has called no less than four times trying to get me out of the house but I'd rather just stay home.

I am glad that I went the midwife route with my pregnancy and that she isn't forcing me to have an induction for her own convenience.  I go back to see her on Friday and if I'm not in labor or if things haven't progressed I will be induced early next week.  I know that life is what happens when you are making other plans, but I really hope I don't have to be induced.  I want so badly to have a natural labor and delivery and I'm so afraid that's not going to happen now.  I feel extra bad for Andrew having to put up with me these last few weeks.  I've been emotional, crabby, hard to deal with, tired and so unmotivated.  I haven't cooked an actual meal in almost two weeks, we've been eating canned food and frozen dinners and snacking.  I hope that I snap out of this funk soon.

All I can really do at this point is pray and wait for baby girl to make her arrival, which I hope is sometime this week.  I'm planning on going into work tomorrow to wrap up a few things (assuming I'm not in labor) since I was out Thursday and Friday due to my labor false alarm.  I'm glad that my boss has been super understanding as well as everyone else in my office.

So here's to the due date that has come and gone - mommy and daddy are ready to meet you little lady!!!