Will it stick this time?

I was lucky that I didn't gain much weight when I was pregnant, only around 30lbs.  I can't really say it was anything I did, I ate my weight in ice cream and sour cream & onion pringles and I didn't work out much other than taking walks.  I honestly think I just got lucky, but in exchange I've still been left with the typical after pregnancy body.  I want to blame the c-section for the strange pouch that I have been left with, but I know that my body is not the same now after being pregnant.

It's been three months now, and it's time to get my butt into gear.  I will admit, I am terrible at dieting and terrible at working out.  I have a hard time getting a routine to stick no matter how hard I try.  Andrew is under doctors orders to start working out to lower his weight which will in exchange lower his cholesterol and blood pressure.  And even though I can fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, they don't exactly fit the same way and there are some clothes that no longer fit at all.  I don't want to end up going up a pants size, I would much rather go down so here it begins again.

I'm trying not to get too caught up in telling everyone I'm on a diet and working out, for some reason that seems to cause me to sabotage myself.  I have to start out slow thanks to the c-section but I know that with each workout I will get stronger and I have to take it easy on myself.

This time I have a goal I've never had before, I need to be healthy for my daughter.  I want to be able to easily get up off the floor after we play, take her on long walks in the stroller, more easily lift the car seat and set an example for her when it comes to healthy eating and a good lifestyle.     

So what have I done so far?

• I'm only eating out once a week at work, this should be a pretty easy goal since I work from home one day a week and I've been cooking again so I can take leftovers.
• I am working out 3 times a week, nothing too crazy because I have to take it easy on my body.
• I threw out all the sweets in the house, less temptation.
• We haven't been eating out much at all because of Jeanette's schedule and lack of money.
• I've been cooking more so that we aren't eating frozen, processed meals as much. 
•  Instead of snacking at night I maybe have a yogurt and drink some extra water.

Where would I like to be?

• I want to be able to do the eliptical two times a week and my Power 90 workout two times a week.
• I will let myself have one cheat day or I will not be able to stick with this.
• I will continue packing my lunch for work.
• I will drop to pants sizes and get down to a size 10 again, an 8 would be amazing but I don't know if my hips will go down that much.
• I will strive to set an example of a healthy body image for my daughter.  

How do you stay motivated when it comes to working out?  What did you do to drop the baby weight?

Jeanette - 3 months old

Height: 25 inches

Weight: 11lbs, 12oz - I'm so glad we have the baby scale so I can weigh Jeanette! 

Sleep:  You are an amazing sleeper at night!  You go to bed between 9 and 10 and don't wake up till 6:30-7am in the morning!  You tend to take cat naps during the day now, but that's fine with me if you continue to sleep through the night.

Feedings: You eat about 5 ounces every 3-4 hours.  Lately you are barely able to go three hours between a feeding so I'm guessing you are having a growth spurt. 

Best Moment(s):  Hearing you laugh for the first time (which just happened a few days ago) was so adorable!  You love to smile especially when you hear mommy and daddy's voices.   

Worst Moment(s):  This month has been pretty good and you haven't had too many bad moments, though you did pee all over the changing table a few times when daddy was getting you ready in the morning. 

Development:  You are really noticing your hands and feet and love to watch them when you are laying on your play mat or in your sleeper.  You love to coo to get our attention when we walk out of the room for a second and as soon as you can see us you get a big smile on your face.  You are starting to be able to grasp objects a little easier and you can easily get your hands in your mouth.  Since you still don't like tummy time too much, we are still working on getting you to hold up your head.  You have almost rolled from back to stomach several times, you just can't quite get there but I imagine it will happen soon. 

Jeanette Loves:  Exploring your hands and feet, laying on your play mat, reading books with grandma and mommy, listening to music, patty cake (it always makes you laugh), being snuggled in the evening and taking cat naps. 

Jeanette Dislikes:  Tummy time isn't exactly your most favorite thing on earth.

Anything else?:   You celebrated Easter with our families for the first time and as usual you were a very good baby.  Your cousins really love you and you had a great time making them smile.  I can't believe you're three months old!

3 months old - 4.23.14

Enjoying your play mat, one of your favorite things!

Easter Weekend Wrap Up

Jeanette's first Easter was this weekend and we had two days full of family, good food, love and celebrations!  On Saturday, we spent the afternoon with Andrew's family and had a great time enjoy good food and everyone's company.  We also got some pictures of Jeanette with her cousins since the weather was beautiful in central Ohio.

I swear, Jeanette is the best baby ever!  She was so cooperative for the photos and hardly fussed until the very end when she was starting to get hungry.  The 4 year old and 2 year old that were involved however were not as cooperative, but that can be expected! 

On Sunday, we went to mass at noon and once again Jeanette was so well behaved.  She slept right through church and we even caught her snoring during communion.  When we got home, she was on the border line of a meltdown since it was lunch time so Andrew fed her while I made a few pies to take to my parents house for dinner.  We had another lovely dinner with my family and visited with everyone, enjoying another beautiful Ohio spring day! 

I felt my heart filled with love all weekend and realized that even if being parents wasn't really in our plan, I wouldn't change things for the world!  Maybe people are right that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  Being a mom is wonderful, being a family with my husband is even more amazing.

I can hardly wait for more holidays with my sweet baby girl!

Mommy and Jeanette before church on Sunday.

The loves of my life.  They make my heart hurt.

Before dinner at my mom and dads

At our dinner with Andrew's family

Letting go of guilt and anxiety

Before I became a mom, I was often a very frantic and anxious person.  During my pregnancy, this became even worse (as I have outlined here and here) and I decided that medication was the best route for me.  Upon the urging of my midwife, I have stayed on the Lexapro after my pregnancy to help prevent postpartum depression which I am pleased to say has worked well.

I've been back at work now for three weeks and the transition has not been easy.  I spent a solid two months at home on maternity leave so the transition back to being a working mom was hard.  Spending all that time with my baby was amazing and I'm thankful to have a job with paid maternity leave and enough vacation and sick time racked up that none of my time off was unpaid.  Despite all of this, I have cried on my way to work everyday but today (woohoo) and I have felt the most overwhelming sense of guilt come over me when I pull into the parking garage.  How can I leave my baby in the care of someone else?  How can I miss out on her being this tiny baby?  What if I would have done things differently, not gone to college, not gotten into debt then I could have been home with her.  All of these things have run through my mind almost daily over the past few weeks.

While all of these things were going on I was battling other issues.  Jeanette didn't get back to her birth weight fast enough so I started supplementing with formula when she was one month old.  Though I enjoyed breastfeeding, I knew it would be hard to keep up with when I went back to work so I wasn't too devastated about having to give her formula.  I started pumping and giving her the breast milk and formula together and it was going well, for a while.  My supply started to dwindle and I emailed my midwife.  She called in a prescription for Reglan to help with my supply.  Unfortunately I couldn't finish the taper of medicine because it caused me to have several emotional breakdowns, it was really helping my supply increase but it was not worth the emotional toll.

Once that was cleared out of my system and we got into a routine with Jeanette, I started to feel a lot better.  Andrew and I had several long talks about my mood and anxiety about being a working mom and they really helped me to see the light.  There is nothing I can do right now to change my life as a working mom.  I have to work to help support my family.  Jeanette only goes to a sitter two days a week and we love her!  She gets to interact with other kids, including a 9 month old, and I'm grateful that my mom and Andrew are able to help out with her care during the week as well.  Andrew and I both had moms who stayed home but had jobs, my mom babysat other kids and his mom worked on their Christmas tree farm almost year round.  The time I do have with Jeanette is precious and I try to soak up every moment.

I didn't want to be the mom with the house all a mess, but if all I get around to is doing the dishes and vacuuming up the dog hair, that's fine with me.  Sure there is a little more clutter now, but I'm learning to deal.  Maybe I can't get the laundry done as fast as I used to, maybe I don't cook elaborate dinners every night of the week, but it's okay!  What's most important is that our little family is happy and healthy.  We are learning a routine with one another and for now I can't ask for much more.

I am learning to let go of my guilt about being a working mom, I'm learning to let go of my anxiety about leaving my daughter and I'm learning to embrace this new change in my life.  

Jeanette - 2 months old

Again, I'm a little behind, Jeanette was 2 months old on March 23rd but now I'm caught up and can do a 3 month post in a more timely fashion!


Height: 24 1/2 inches long - you are a very long baby!

Weight: 10lbs, 7oz - you really took off and started to grow this month since mommy started supplementing with formula!  

Sleep:  You are an amazing sleeper at night!  You go to bed between 9 and 10 and don't wake up till 6:30-7am in the morning!  You tend to take cat naps during the day now, but that's fine with me if you continue to sleep through the night.

Feedings: You still eat every 3 hours like clockwork and usually take about 4-5oz.  The only time you really get crabby is before you eat.   

Best Moment(s):  The first time you smiled a real smile for me and daddy.  It was so sweet and just about melted our hearts!  You also started cooing this month, which next to smiling is about the cutest thing on the planet!  You are also getting really strong and getting a lot better at holding up your head. 

Worst Moment(s):  Seeing you spit up a whole bottle for the first time.  Either you ate too fast or ate too much, but that was such a scary moment.  I knew you were okay but it was really hard to watch you get that upset.  You also got shots at your 2 month appointment but you did so great!  Hearing you cry was really difficult for mommy but you were a trooper!  You were pretty tired that day, but didn't spike a fever and weren't overly fussy. 

Development:  As I had mentioned earlier, you are smiling and cooing which is super adorable and a great milestone!  You are developing those neck muscles and getting really good at holding up your head.  You follow our movements and love to watch the mobile in your crib.  You love to have books read to you and love your Sassy "First book of baby see's" book with the bright colors and patterns.  Grandma calls it your "smart book."  You can see yourself in the mirror now too and love the mirror on your play mat. 

Jeanette Loves:  Rock and play sleeper, laying in your crib with the mobile on, snuggling after a feeding, being rocked in your glider, laying on your play mat and watching yourself in the mirror.  You are starting to like bath time a lot more too! 

Jeanette Dislikes:  Tummy time isn't exactly your most favorite thing on earth.

Anything else?: Mommy went back to work this month and it was really difficult.  You however seem to be adjusting just fine and are very well behaved for the babysitter.  Daddy stays home with you one day a week and seems to get along fine as well and you have a day with your Grandma M too!  Mommy still cries on her way to work but knows that this is just how life has to be for now and that you are in good hands. 

After your 2 month doctor appointment where you got
your first shots.  You seemed to do just fine!

Jeanette - 1 month old

I'm obviously a little behind here but Jeanette was one month old as of February 23rd.

Height: 22 1/2 inches long - grew one inch since you were born!

Weight: 8lbs, 3oz.  This obviously was an issue because you were three ounces less than your birth weight.  After some discussion with the pediatrician, we decided you needed more than just my breast milk and started supplementing with formula.  This was by far one of the hardest parenting moments for me so far.   

Sleep:  By the end of your first month, you were sleeping through the night occasionally and only getting up between 2 and 3am for a feeding.  You nap well during the day and started to become more alert towards the end of the month as well.

Feedings:  We went from exclusive breast feeding to bottle feeding and mixing the formula and breast milk.  Thankfully you did not experience nipple confusion and took to bottle feeding quite well.  You aren't even picky about the kind of bottle that you take!

Best Moment(s):  Watching everyone's reactions when they met you for the first time.  Your newborn photo shoot was a good day as well, other than your belly button scab falling off and getting blood on your cute onesie!

Worst Moment(s):  Finding out that you would need to start taking formula.  But now that you are gaining weight well, you are far less crabby, much more alert and really starting to grow!

Development:  As the month wore on, you started to become more alert and started to control your neck and head a little better.  You can sleep for longer periods at night (4-5 hours) and you seem to recognize mommy and daddy's voices when we are in the room.

Jeanette Loves:  Rock and play sleeper, laying in your crib with the mobile on, snuggling after a feeding, being rocked in your glider. 

Jeanette Dislikes:  Bath time, having your diaper and clothes changed, having lotion put on.

Who Jeanette has met:  Mommy's parents & their kitties Rusty and Steel, daddy's parents, all of your aunts and uncles as well as some cousins, mommy's friends from college, neighbors, Bessie the dog and Bradley the kitty (your pets at home) and mommy's best friend Jessica.

On being a mother

I decided to take a little unplanned hiatus from this blog while I was on maternity leave.  I've been back at work for a few days and the little one is now 2 months old.  My 9 weeks of leave went by so fast and I made every effort to be present for my daughter during that time and spend as much time with her as I could.  So many things have been happening and I plan to back up and do a one month old and two month old post this week as well.  But for now I just wanted to write a little update on motherhood and what it has meant to me over these last few months. 

Since I had to have a c-section I was in the hospital from Thursday till Sunday.  Having all of that extra help sure was wonderful considering I couldn't really get out of bed for the first 24 hours.  Andrew pretty much never left my side, other than his runs to the gift shop or hospital cafeteria for some food.  We had visitors come and go, thankfully all of my wishes for family only and no children were granted and we had a rather relaxing stay.  The breastfeeding didn't go too well at first, but eventually with the help of the lactation consultant, things got going.  When it was time to leave on Sunday, we were both a nervous wreck and it didn't help that the weather was awful too.

That was the freeway, hardly plowed and very slick.

Sunday night was crazy, as can be expected your first day home with a baby.  I don't think anyone in the house slept much, except for the cat.  As the days went on though in those first few weeks, things got easier.  Jeanette had her first appointment with the pediatrician, I got my staples removed and Andrew was able to take an extra week off work to help out since I was on restrictions. 

He is such an amazing dad, burping Jeanette after her 3am
feeding at the hospital.

With each day, I got more into my "groove" with Jeanette.  We had our feeding times pretty well set and I worked really hard to keep her on a schedule.  From day one, she slept in her crib (our room is right next to the nursery so we didn't even need the monitor to hear her) and now at 2 months old, she's sleeping through the night!  I was so glad I read the Baby Wise book because it really helped me out with the scheduling and getting her to sleep through the night.

Watching my baby girl grow and change each day has been so amazing!  You'll be able to see the change for sure from her one month to two month posts when I get those up later this week.  There have been struggles, the biggest one being her weight gain.  At her 1 month appointment she hadn't gotten back to her birth weight and although she had her fair share of messy diapers and wasn't starving, I was told my milk wasn't enough for her and began supplementing with formula.  It was a hard pill to swallow, but I knew I needed to do what was best for my baby.  She has been doing a lot better now that she gets the formula and breastmilk and for this I am happy.

There have been good days and bad days, I've cried and laughed more times than I can count over the last few months.  We are a family now and being a mom is nothing like I ever could have dreamed it would be!  The love I feel for Jeanette is overwhelming and so pure.  She is such a good baby.  She rarely cries, eats well, is super alert and loves to follow our faces.  Leaving her to go back to work was so incredibly hard, but I know I am doing what is best for my family.

Meeting her sister Bessie for the first time when she was a week old.

Snuggles after a rough day.

Newborn photos

Our little family.

Those big dark eyes get me every time.

And now she's smiling, which is pretty much the cutest thing ever!

 Now a new adjustment has begun since I'm back to work and I'm sure that things will continue to change, but I know the love I have for that adorable, sweet little lovebug Jeanette will just grow stronger with each passing day!

If you want to see more photos, find me on Instagram (postle0922).