Funk or Quarter Life Crisis

Something's been going on with me lately and I can't quite figure it out....I'm either in a terrible rut or this is my "quarter life crisis."

This last month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I was so excited to finally be working again, but the job is not what I expected and I feel really overwhelmed. I don't want to sound like I'm being ungrateful because I know there are so many people looking for jobs, but please just hear me out. I feel like, and I know, that I'm not where I want to be in my career because I didn't graduate from college on time. It was a big and very hard decision for me to decide to go back to school last summer, quit my job and focus on getting my degree.

I just "assumed" that when I was done with school I would be able to find a job in my field, I've had two internships and many jobs that have helped me to build a really good resume. I know that I have a great work ethic that is appealing to employers in times like these, but none of those people wanted to hire me. I applied for nearly 150 jobs from October to the present and only had two interviews. I started applying for jobs that I could have done without my degree because I needed the money, I had to find a way to pay back those loans. So I went back to a receptionist job thinking it would be a good way to get my foot in the door.

In the last two weeks, I've felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and doubt and its been affecting every aspect of my life. Most of the anxiety has been related to my job and the rest of it to all of this debt that I have. I've made an appointment to go and talk to my doctor but he can't see me till the end of the month. I feel like all of the time I spent going back to school to fix all the mistakes I made when I was young was a total waste of time. My degree hasn't really done me much good and I feel sick about it. I haven't been sleeping much, my social life is basically non-existent and at the end of the day I just want to be left alone. I really need something to pull me out of this funk and I'm open to any suggestions because I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this.

I hate writing such a "downer" post, but I really needed to get this out. Its something that I feel needs to be shared so other people going through something similar don't feel alone. Its also therapeutic for me to get this out there so its not weighing on me so heavily. I'm hoping that since we are going out of town this weekend I'll have some time to unwind and stop thinking about work and stress for a few days. Nothing like a free nights stay at a casino and some free food and alcohol to brighten the spirit right?!?!

Three days I'd like to forget

*Disclaimer - I wrote this post last week and forgot to publish. The events below happened from March first to the third.*

This week has not exactly been sunshine and rainbows or unicorns and glitter. Its been more like nails on a chalkboard or someone rubbing styrofoam together right next to your ear.....let me just summarize for you what's been going on.

Monday: I worked my first 12 hour shift which really wasn't all that bad. The last two hours went by rather slow, but I survived. I had to get my second TB test because anyone who works in healthcare has to get a two-step. The nurse who gave me the skin test was not very nice and stuck me good and hard. I got home around 8pm and basically collapsed.

Tuesday: I worked half a day with my preceptor and the other half shadowing on the floor where I will actually work and got to see how they do things a little different. The place on my arm where the TB test was given was also itchy, red and had a good sized lump which means that you may have been exposed to TB. It bothered me all morning and my manager suggested I go have it looked at so I did. I was told to come back Wednesday for a definitive answer on the test since it cannot be read for 48 hours. Thankfully this was only an eight hour day.

Wednesday: Came in to find out that our fax/copier broken as well as the fridge in the break room and some of the nurse phones. I still had a lump on my arm as well and it was itching like crazy. I got walked in on while pulling up my pants in our unisex bathroom by a very attractive doctor or med student (he was just as embarrassed as me). This was also another 12 hour day. Prior to lunch I headed back down to employee health to have my arm looked at and was seen by a doctor this time instead of a RN or NP. They measured the lump on my arm and since it was 10mm I had to get a chest xray to see if there were any signs of TB in my lungs. More than likely, I just had a reaction to the skin test but I won't know until later this afternoon.

I am happy to say that my chest xray came back negative but sad to say there is still a red patch on my arm from the dumb TB test. I think I needed to write this post because I was so frustrated. Starting this new job has not been easy but I'm trying my best to make it work.

Sunday Update

So I've survived my first two weeks of being back in the working world. I'm still in training until the end of March most likely and I'm still learning a lot! Working in a hospital is a lot different than any other job I've had. Tomorrow I'm working my first 12 hour shift (I've never worked one in my life) and I'm working this weekend, but I get Thursday and Friday off which is nice.

As far as the rest of my life, well its been pretty darn boring. I have been trying some new recipes which I hope to post about soon and I finally got caught up on all my cleaning and laundry yesterday. Today I took a little break and we drove out to Battelle Darby Park to see the Bison they have there. I'll try and get the pictures up sometime this week.

I've also been busy with my volunteer work, helping get a newsletter off the ground and planning the fundraiser gala Live & Silent Auction. We are also going to the Motor City Casino as part of an awards ceremony for Andrews work March 12th & 13th so that is something fun to look forward too. Sorry for my lack of blogging and commenting but I promise to get back on track soon!!

Whew

Please excuse me if I'm a little bit absent from commenting on blogs/blogging.

I started my job on Monday and the training is hectic. I have never worked in the health care field before and I'm mentally exhausted from all there is to learn. Today we have a test to take and then we learn how to use the computer programs such as the email, intranet and online learning guides.

I'm in training until Tuesday and then I start shadowing another person with my job title until the beginning of March then I'm on my own!

I hope that everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend - I'll try to write something up on Sunday and get to commenting on some blogs!

Happy Valentines Day

Love it or hate it, I do believe that Valentines Day is a real holiday and that it was not invented by Hallmark. I remember very vividly learning about St. Valentine in my CCD classes as a kid.

I also start my new job today and I'm hoping that it will be a good first week. I've got 7 days of training and shadowing then I'll start working on my own. I think everyone gets nervous to start a new job.

I'm going to make Chicken Cordon Bleu for dinner tonight with mashed potatoes and green beans. Andrew and I got one another small gifts this year and here are a few photos of what he got me.

I hope that all of you have a wonderful Valentines Day!