Empty......

I know that I just wrote yesterday.
I just don't know where else to go when I need to get things out.

Everything is so upside down, so empty and so not right in my life at the moment.
I'm frustrated - I didn't do to well in school this quarter despite all my efforts and I don't know what's going to happen. I won't know till my meeting on Monday. I have to sit and worry and wait for 5 days.

I guess whatever does happen is what is meant to be.

My family is falling apart. I watch my dad sink further and further into the most helpless I've ever seen him each and every day. He is loosing his job and his boss flies to Vegas for a Golf Outing. He orders a new company car while my dad is standing right there.

I am so scared for my family, I don't know what is going to happen to us and here I am letting everyone down.

My mom told me last night that I'm not the same person and that no one knows who I am anymore. Am I really that horrible? What about me is so bad? I didn't even sleep last night, all I could think about was what she said to me and it really hurts. Maybe she's right, maybe I am different, but I don't think its bad. In the past year I have changed, I've started working full time, I've struggled with school, I've met the love of my life, I've lost some friends and regained old ones and I've tried to stay afloat but maybe that's just not enough anymore.

I try to muster through the day at work and act like I am okay. Sometimes my job is the only thing keeping me going. Its really all that I have at this point and I'm lucky when there are so many that don't have anything.

I'm sorry to write such a depressing post because I normally don't do things like this....but I have to get it out somehow.....any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Haiku Friday - 100

The home page told me
this is my one hundredth blog.
Can't believe that one!

We should close on the house
by the end of next week, and
for that I am glad.

Spring is finally
here to stay it seems, woohoo!
No more cold mornings.

So I realize that jumped around a little bit, but its been another hectic week. Even though I'm on break from school till April 1st, I still feel overwhelmed. Things seem to change everyday with the house situation; now we have to wait for them to fix the title before we can close, which sucks, but nothing we can do about it. Since its the banks fault we won't be penalized if the closing happens after the 31st of this month, since that's what was stated in the contract. Everything else is in order and the financing, which is one of the more time consuming aspects of this whole ordeal. Now we just have to wait.....which I hate!!!!

So I FINALLY GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW!!! No more 8am Saturday class at Otterbein! I cannot wait to stay in bed till at least 8am....ahhhh it should be glorious!

Tuesday's Tribute - My man

I'm going to be a total corn-ball this week (so get over it!) and do my Tuesday Tribute to my wonderful boyfriend Andrew.

By Friday, Andrew will have purchased his very first home. Its taken a long time for him to get to this point. He lived with roommates (engaged to be married) when I first met him. They weren't always the most considerate or the most fun, but he made it work while he had too. Some events occurred that caused him to move out and back home with his parents. That made things really difficult for us at first. Both of us living at home was not very easy. While all this was going on, he also started a new job and so did I. Stress loomed over our relationship for the first time and things got a little rocky. Over a course of events we broke up, and then started hanging out again (slowly) and got back together. This was from about late September till late November.

I want to say that I was worried things would not work out, and that is a true statement. I didn't know what was going to happen to us. We were just starting to plan on moving in together....now what was I going to do?!?! After we worked through our issues and things settled down we started looking at houses again, on my side of town (once we realized we could not afford to live on the North end of Columbus). After a good two months of searching we found the place we will soon call home. I am proud of Andrew for being such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend and for doing what he could to make our dream happen. He's been extremely frugal the last few months, putting his Volvo project and all other purchases on hold. We've spent many evenings walking the isles of Lowes and Home Depot in search of ideas and now its all going to pay off.

Here is a recent and cute photo of us together. Click the button below that if you would like to learn more about Tuesday's Tribute or participate!



A Jay and Deb Production.

In just a week

We'll be closing on the house. It seems like this part of the process is going much faster than I had planned. If we don't close this Friday, it will be the 27th, which is fine. Its not like we can move right in or anything, but it would be nice to get in there and start working on the place. I am hoping to have things done in time for my birthday weekend and have a little get together!

I got to see my Otterbein girls this weekend, which was great! Megan came down from Cleveland and we all met up at El Vaquero in Hilliard for dinner and went downtown to Brothers afterward. Andrew and I didn't get home till 2:15am which means this is the latest I have stayed out since I can't even remember. I feel like such an old person. It was so good to see everyone and to catch up on life, I miss the old days when we all lived in the dorms together. I think even Andrew had a good time and he's not really the go to a bar and party type of person and I'm not really either these days. I'm more content to sit at home with a nice bottle of wine and just chill out.

Sunday we layed in bed till 9, which is late for Andrew who always wants to be up at 7 doing something. We went and got some food and then decided to take a bike ride. I'm for sure feeling the uncomfortable effects of the first bike ride of the season. After a few more times though it won't be so bad. I kinda miss where Andrew used to live in West Jefferson this time of year. We would ride our bikes down to McDonalds and get McFlurries and then wander through the dollar store and go play at the park. It was nice to have fun little places to go like that, but maybe soon we'll have new things to do in Pataskala at our new home!

This week should not be nearly as busy as last week, I have a few appointments but no school again till the first of April!!!!

Haiku Friday - Caffeine Junkie

The smell of RedBull
lingers in my cubicle
its been there all week.

Exhausted from so
many worries and studies
it keeps me alive.

Finals are almost
over now. I am relieved.
Two weeks of no school.

As you might have guessed (or if you've been reading this week), I've been super busy. Work has been really overwhelming and I had finals as well. Last night I did my Public Relations class presentation and it went really well and everyone's projects were great! Tomorrow its math in the morning and then hopefully spending some time with my old college friends afterward.

I've been staying up so late this week and its really caught up with me. I usually need about 7 1/2 or 8 hours to function and each night I've gotten between 4 1/2 and 6 hours of sleep. I am hoping to catch up this weekend.

On the house front - we are doing an inspection tonight and the closing will most likely be next Friday, which is great because I took that day off work! Things are falling into place and I'll take some "before" photos of the renovation soon and put them up here!

I thought it would never happen.....

Its taken so long to get to this point it seems, but everything with the house is finally coming together. Andrew was officially approved for the loan yesterday afternoon and his dad will be loaning him the down payment money (and in case you don't know this, his other siblings were pretty much given homes when family members passed away so I guess to his dad this makes things fair). With the loan we will be given money for the needed repairs and new furnace, because we cannot afford the oil heat the house currently operates on. We have to make one bulk purchase at Lowes or Home Depot of all of the items that we will need to start working on the place, the bank doesn't want us spending "meager" amounts of money and making 50 trips to the store. I need to start working on a list of things that we will need.

People have been so great to him to by donating things they don't need to his house....its kinda funny how its all worked out. His sister got a new couch last week, so he gets the old one and she also has some bookshelves and a hutch for him. My neighbor has a water softener system from when our development was on well water that he is going to give Andrew. My parents have a microwave they are going to give him as well since his mom accidentally gave his to Goodwill a few months ago. Things are finally falling into place.

Its crazy to think with everything that has gone on, and that a year ago I could never have imagined myself where I am now. There are people who have doubts about Andrew, but I don't care. My real and true friends are supporting me through this, my family loves Andrew and thinks highly of him. I don't care if people think I made a mistake by being with him again, its what is in MY heart and not theirs. One person even went as far as to tell me that Andrew reminded them of a guy I dated a few years back (if you know me well, just think Doug....yeah, I mean honestly?!?!), but to me they only have one similarity, going to school to become mechanics.....so whatever. No matter what has happened, or what doubts either of us has had, I love him and this is the beginning of our life together. If I was the one who was having doubts I wouldn't be taking this major step with him and I would think that people who know me and my heart are certain of this. These same people told me that I could do better than him, he's just a farm boy mechanic and I'm "better than that." (Okay little rant there, sorry!)

But anyways I better stop before this gets any longer.....

Tuesday Tribute

So I thought this might be something fun and new to try, since I only really do Haiku Friday every week and it gives me an opportunity to write about someone who means a lot to me and has shown me strength. I found this on Honey Mommy's blog and figured why not!

So this blog is dedicated to telling the story about my dad and the recent struggle that he is facing.....enjoy!

My dad, for as long as I can remember, has been in route sales. Driving a truck, delivering product and making good money for our family. For most of this time he's been working for Bob Evans Farms, which I'm sure everyone has heard of, and its been a good job. He makes good money and has been able to provide a wonderful life for my family and me with a college education all thanks to that job. But after April 17th, my dad will no longer have that job as his position is being done away with in favor of having all Bob Evans grocery store products shipped by semi-truck from a warehouse directly to each of the grocery stores and restaurants.

As a family, we knew that someday this would happen, that soon enough they would do away with routes because they probably cost the company a lot of money. What makes this even worse is that at the annual Holiday Party my dad was named Salesman of the Year, which is a HUGE honor that comes with a great deal of praise. So much in fact that my dad cried, and trust me it takes a lot to make that man cry. The award is called the Silver Stetson and is given to the salesman who has good record of sales for the year, is courteous to customers and goes out of his way to service them as well as someone who is all around a good representative to the company. Looking back, it all seems bittersweet.

But through all of this my dad has been surprisingly strong, at least to the point that he doesn't show me or my brother how hurt and down he is probably feeling. He has his moments, when he gets home from work and looks like he has just come through the gates of hell, but after a good meal and some conversation he seems better. He just has to push through these next few months and after that we don't know what will happen. The whole thing really does suck, mostly because of my dads boss who is an arrogant pompous asshole (sorry, but he really is) who makes jokes about the guys loosing their jobs and treats them all like second class citizens. He has no compassion about the situation and how it will affect all of the guys there (about 7 in total), he just sits and makes jokes about it and spends his days on "business trips" and going to "golf outings."

All that my dad and my family can do at this point is hope and pray that he is able to find another good job. He goes get a severance package, a brief period of health insurance and unemployment, but it still makes me worry. He is the bread winner for the family and I am sure he's very worried about what will happen in the coming months. Below is my favorite photo of my dad (he's on the right) and if you'd like to participate, click on the bottom at the bottom of my post!






Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.

Something I'm considering

Andrew and I went to talk to the mortgage guy yesterday about the house.....it was interesting since I know nothing about that stuff, and since I don't want to sound like a fool, I'll just say he suggested one last alternative mortgage route and we'll find out about that Monday.

Moving along, while we were there we started talking about the different types of home repossessions and what they all mean and how the real estate market is doing. It got me thinking again about getting my real estate license. The only draw back is that I don't have the $3,500 to do it right now, but its something that might be worth saving for once I finish school in August. Andrew has been very encouraging about it and I think that with my Public Relations, Marketing and Advertising I would be able to be successful with some time and work. I worked in a real estate office for almost 3 years so I know the basics of how things work, the paperwork, the time and everything else.

So anyways, just a thought. The weekend was good but nothing too exciting to report, just hung out with Andrew, celebrated my brothers 20th birthday and did some much needed cleaning!

Haiku Friday - Busy Week

I've had a meeting,
nearly everyday at work
this whole long, long week.

Lots of homework too
finals are in just two weeks.
Then its spring break time.

The house buying is
coming along just need the
mortgage, inspection

and then the closing.
I forgot how long this takes.
Andrew had no clue.

Things are slowly progressing with the house. There are several mortgage options with several stipulations since we are doing an FHA loan, if Andrew gets the 20% down then we don't need to hire a contractor through the bank to fix up the house, but if not the mortgage will be much higher and have a higher interest rate. I guess we have a lot to talk about this weekend. His cell phone also does not work at our new home, so I'll be adding a line to my plan since mine works just fine. We started looking at appliances again and found some things on Craigslist yesterday so we'll see how that goes this weekend.

Well thats all for now! Hope that everyone has a good weekend!

Let the process begin!!

The fun of home-buying began on Friday evening. Andrew and I went to the real estate office to sign the contract for the house. By the way, bank owned property contracts are really nuts and have so many addendum's and pretty much repeat the same stuff over and over. We were told 5 times that we only had 7 banking days from acceptance to do an inspection, which we had to pay for. We were also told about 12 times that the house is being sold "As Is" and don't you think we would know that going into this whole deal?!?! And they also gave us a good surprise in the contract when we found out the bank will pay for 1/2 of the closing costs and for the Title Insurance! Afterward, we went to Grapevine to have a drink and some pizza. Oh and in case I didn't mention this, I gave up pop for Lent and its been sooooo hard!!!!

We have already priced out a furnace and hot water heater, Andrew has a meeting with the loan person today after he gets off work. We are going to get appliances off Craigslist so that we can spend more of the money we have on paint and new flooring (pergo wood floors for the lower level which is the kitchen and living room and probably berber carpet for the upstairs bedrooms). I have some paint colors picked out already. We bought some flower seeds this weekend too and I wanna get started on tearing up the gross stuff around the bay window and replanting new flowers ASAP!

We should be closing on or before March 31st but if all goes to plan we might be able to close in about 2 weeks!!!!