Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The First 6 months of Marriage

Before my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law offered me lots of words of advice and encouragement.  She is not one to sugarcoat things and I think Andrew gets his very blunt conversational attitude from her.  This is not a bad thing necessarily because she will tell you what you need to hear, even if at the time you don't understand her purpose.  She told me the first year of marriage would be hard, no matter how long we had known one another or had been living together.  Her and her husband had known one another since the third grade (I know, that is totally nuts right?!) and they still had their fair share of struggles.  I've leaned on her and my own mother A LOT in these last six months for advice and just someone to listen when the struggles of marriage can become overwhelming.

About a month after our wedding, we had a pretty major argument that lasted for almost a week.   My husband spent a large amount of money without talking to me about it first.  If I told the whole story, I'm sure that everyone would a) think I was nuts and b) laugh so I won't go there.  We've since decided that any purchase over $500 that may occur when the other person is not present should warrant a discussion and a review of the bank accounts.

From September till the end of March, I was really struggling with my job and worked hard to find something new.  There were a lot of factors that led to my decision to leave and it was not easy.  I came home from work all too often crying and having panic attacks.  I had really lost my passion and had become disheartened when I was rejected by job after job that I thought I was more than qualified to do.  Andrew was steadfast as ever and kept encouraging me to keep trying and then I finally got a job, back at my employer from two years ago, doing what I love and with the flexibility to work the hours I choose and maybe go back to school.

Just a few months ago, Andrew started hitting a snag at work, it really started after he won that mechanic of the year award.  It's a pretty long story and I don't want to expose anything about his work on my blog, but needless to say it's been causing him a lot of stress, anxiety and sleepless nights.  He often comes home in a bad mood and spends the entire evening hashing out the details of another horrible day.  Its so heartbreaking to know there is little that I can do to make him feel better.  He's toyed with the idea of getting a new job, but knows he won't find something better.  Most mechanics have to work nights and/or weekends and most places don't pay what he makes and now is not the time for a pay cut.

But not everything has been bad and I don't want this blog to make it sound like all we have done is struggle because that isn't true. For example, we were waiting for a table at our favorite wing joint about a month ago.  There was no where to sit in the waiting area and we were standing there, drinking a beer and talking.  For some reason, in that moment, I remembered why I fell in love with him so hard and so fast.  He's so incredibly smart, but doesn't want anyone to know how smart he really can be.  He loves me no matter how moody or annoying I can get when things don't go my way.

We've had our fair share of ups and downs, but right now I would say that things are pretty well leveled out.  I know the struggles will never end and that by September with a year of marriage under our belts, we will be in a better place and will have learned so much from one another.   Just this weekend at my brothers wedding, everyone told me how much we still were still glowing from our own wedding and how much they adore Andrew.  I want nothing more than to spend my life with him and that my friends is what I intend to do!


Christina said...

Even with living together first, it was difficult to adjust to being married for us, too. Of course, in our case by the end of the first year we were also dealing with buying a house and being pregnant, so those were added stress in our lives.

But that first year also helps you fall into a more comfortable pattern with each other, too, and you'll come to love that comfort. The challenge after that will be to not let that comfort become complacency! Enjoy all of the ups and downs of your first year - they only happen once. :)

Unknown said...

Congrats on six months! I wish we talked more. You know you can call me if you ever need to!