My first Mother's Day

A year ago on May 10th I found out that I was pregnant.  I had taken a blue dye test on May 8th and saw a faint second line but didn't think much of it since the test was close to expiring (I always keep a few tests in the house, just in case) and I had read that blue dye tests often give false positives.  I tried to think back in my mind as to when this could have happened and became worried when I thought about how intoxicated I had been the weekend before at my brother's wedding.  Sorry Jeanette, mommy didn't know you were at the wedding too!

When I took the first of maybe 15 or 20 tests, Andrew wasn't home and I panicked thinking about how I was going to tell him.  Sure this was not exactly a planned pregnancy, but it's not like we hadn't talked about having kids.  I kept staring at the test thinking it was all in my head, but those two pink lines were staring me right in the face.  I told him late that night (some of his high school friends stopped by and stayed rather late so I didn't get a chance to tell him for hours, it was so painful).  I didn't tell him in some cute way, he asked why I was acting strange that night, why I never finished my glass of wine and I just blurted out, well it's because I'm pregnant.   

We told my family on Mother's Day that I was expecting, before I even went to the doctor.  I know this may not have been the best idea because I was only about 6 weeks along at this point, but I figured that no matter what, my family was going to be supportive.

I remember all of the emotions flooding over me in those first weeks.  I certainly couldn't grasp the idea that I was pregnant because I was feeling pretty good and only had a few mild symptoms.  I felt guilty about being pregnant because I had several friends at the time who were having a hard time TTC.  I felt sad for those women I knew who could never have a baby of their own for whatever reason.  I felt afraid that I was completely unprepared financially, mentally and physically to become a mother.  I found it funny that Andrew took it all in stride and didn't seem to be phased at all that in 9 months our lives were going to change.

Even though I wasn't holding my baby in my arms that day, I considered that my first Mother's Day.  This year I will get to celebrate with my sweet little girl who has turned my mother into a grandmother and my grandmother into a Gigi (Great Grandmother). 

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mom's out there.  The mom's who have adopted or fostered babies and kids, the mom's who have lost a baby, the mom's who are now grandma's or great grandma's, the mom's who are single and the mom's who are married.  All of you are amazing!