Thursday, September 29, 2011


Eight years ago today I met someone who changed my life so much that I know I'll never forget him. I kept wondering why I was feeling so strange lately, why certain songs were just bringing me down and making me depressed. Then this morning, all of a sudden it hit me when I looked at the date.

On September 13th, 2003 I started college and in that same week I met the first person I was ever in a long term relationship with, that is until I met Andrew. The beginnings of our romance were a whirlwind, at first I wasn't too sure about him, but he kept pursuing me and got me interested. We had the best time together and I fell fast even though I knew he'd be moving thousands of miles away for school soon. I couldn't help myself, it felt so good to be wanted so much by someone. He was a very passionate person and a very emotional person. This made our relationship a rollercoaster with the fighting, breakups and long distance drama. But through it all we had this connection that neither of us could deny.

The final blow to everything happened not long after my 21st birthday, the giving back of the stuff, the weeks I spent locked in my room not eating or sleeping and the fact that still I couldn't let go. To this day, I can't even remember what led to that fight or what it was about and we never talked about it again. I know that we were both mean to one another and didn't appreciate what we had and maybe love just really wasn't enough. For a while, we tried to be friends until I started dating again. When that relationship ended, he was there to catch me and the whirlwind started again. I spent a lot of time with him and we were still pretty involved in one anothers lives until about two years ago. The last time I saw him, I was his date at a wedding. I hadn't seen him in ages and as soon as our eyes met, there were those old fireworks again. I figured that we'd get back together and that everything would be perfect this time, but he basically told me that he couldn't do the long distance relationship, it wasn't going to work. I poured my heart out to him and all of his close friends that weekend, said I knew we were meant to be and went on and on, all the while making a fool of myself.

I've obviously since found someone who completes me and makes me feel appreciated. But if I'm this much in love and going to marry someone else, why can't I finally just let go? What do I need to do to make myself forget? Every year on this day, I'm a total mess and it drives me crazy. I just want to forget, I need to forget what happened eight years ago.


Unknown said...

I totally understand.

There was a guy like this for me, too. It's hard, especially since I've moved back here, knowing that I could run into him at any time. It's not that we're not happy in our lives, but those guys, they take a sliver of us with them when they go, and we don't seem to get it back. Sometimes we drive past places I haven't been since I was with him, and it still aches, you know? I wouldn't give up my husband and daughters for anything, and looking back, I KNOW he wouldn't have been a stellar husband. That doesn't stop me from feeling the scars.

At the same time, I'm grateful for the experience. If it hadn't been for my relationship with him, I never would have grown up and come out of my shell. If not for that, I wouldn't have been the woman my husband fell in love with.

I know how you feel. :)

Unknown said...

I forgot: