Haiku Friday - Black Friday Madness

Stuck at work today
At least I don't work retail
I've been there, done that

No crazy women
Busting the door down for fleece
Fabric line so long

I don't miss Joann's
On Black Friday, man it sucked
Office work, better.

I was thinking this morning about how I used to work retail about 3 years ago on Black Friday. I don't ever want to have to do that again, even at Joann Fabrics the people were insane, fighting over fabric, breaking the door down (literally, they took it off the track to get inside), and just being all around nuts. I always did the 5am till noon shift, just so I could get the hell of that day over with early.

But this year I have a good old office job and I don't have to worry about people like that. Hardly anyone is here today, I have a throbbing headache, which I am praying will go away soon and I am going to try to leave early. Someone brought Panera bagels for everyone so that was nice. Now I don't have to go get lunch!

Also - next week is crazy for me. I am going to Cleveland (again) for work Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday I have a Dr. appointment late in the afternoon and then Saturday is my best friends son's first birthday!

Well I guess I should try to do something productive - after I have some more coffee!

Giving thanks

At dinner last night my brother and I were discussing something dumb to do on Thanksgiving. Normally my grandparents are not here and we have a really laid back dinner at our house. We decided to dress up as pilgrims and Indians and go over to my grandparents house, as a joke. Since my mom is a preschool teacher she has oodles of ways that we can make crazy hats and outfits out of paper and other craft items.....in case you don't already know this, my family is goofy/quirky/just plain odd sometimes....haha. Last year for Xmas my dad dressed up like cousin Eddy from Christmas Vacation. Here is a photo of my crazy family.

In the midst of all this we started talking about making the "hand turkey" and writing on the fingers what you are thankful for. I think a list of 5 things is pretty limited so here are my 10 things I am thankful for:

1. My family - They have been there for me through every up and down and I love them. They always make me smile and always know the right thing to say.
2. My friends - We've had our ups and downs, some of them have moved away, some I've lost touch with but no matter what they have shaped me and they have shaped my life.
3. The opportunity to go to college - Okay so I messed up along the way, screwed off and failed some classes but college has really helped me grow as a person and I am so glad I decided to go to Otterbein.
4. My pets - Yeah, yeah, but you have to understand I love my kitties. Webster has grown up with me and she is now 20 years old. Last year we lost one of our cats, Priscilla, and I miss her soooo much and we also lost our golden retriever Pete who was wonderful and the most loving dog I have ever been around.
5. My health - I feel pretty fortunate to be healthy and to have that going for me at my age. I know there are plenty of people out there who struggle with their health (I have a good friend who has type 2 diabetes and another that is immune deficient).
6. My job - Again, there are a lot of people who are not fortunate enough to have jobs right now and that is a horrible place to be in. Although it took me 3 months to find this job it was worth it and I am learning a great deal here each day.
7. Andrew - Okay so we have really had our ups and downs but he has taught me a lot about life. Since we met I've felt like a more complete person and I've learned that a relationship is not all about expensive gifts and going out every night, its about enjoying one another and letting yourself totally open up to someone.
8. My God-daughters - Abigale just turned 5 a few weeks ago and Natasha turned 3 this summer. Those little girls are the light of my life, I just wish I had more time to spend with them!
9. My extended family - Granparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Second Cousins, they are all so wonderful and I have a special relationship with each of them that I would not trade for anything in the world.
10. My faith - I've gotten back in touch with my more religious side over the past year and it feels good. I'm not going around stuffing it down anyones throat but I am glad to be in touch with my faith again.

So what is everyone else thankful for?? (Sorry this blog is super long)

At least its a 4-day work week

Well, the weekend was good....I'm glad that things ended up working out the way they did when Andrew and I hung out. We chilled again on Saturday, did some Christmas shopping and had pizza/TV night and it was really nice. We've always had this joke about the song "Patience" by Guns and Roses, it was playing the day that I was dying to tell him I loved him way back in May and he wanted me to wait until our one year anniversary, which technically would be February of next year. So on the way home both Friday and Saturday that song played.....I'm thinking it might be some sort of sign, but then again I could be wrong.

Said, woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar, make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience

Those are just a few of the lyrics in case you've never heard that song before. It makes sense in this whole crazy mess that I am in right now. I'm still not sure what to think or how to feel, but I know one thing. For the first time in my life I feel like me, maybe even a better me. When Andrew and I were apart I didn't function right, it was like part of me was missing. I've never felt like that before, which leads me to believe that no matter what has gone on, we are meant to be together. But for now, we do need some patience and we do need to just take it slow and let the pieces fall back together.

Call me crazy, but I know in my heart that this is for the best no matter what has gone on this past month and a few odd days.

On a chilly Friday night....

So I got a text from Andrew yesterday afternoon asking me to dinner last night when he got off work.....he said he didn't want to go home so I said I'd meet up with him, no big deal I thought, what can it hurt.

We had the best time....it almost felt like our first date all over again....we went to Buffalo Wings and Rings (one of our fave places to eat) and had a nice dinner and a few beers. Then we went to Meijer so he could get snacks for work and home (his parents are on a vegan diet....and he is not a vegan...lol). He held my hand in the store, I felt so dorky getting giggly about it, it was laid back and fun. Nothing felt awkward and it was just a feeling that I can't explain, like I felt whole again. We sat in the car and talked for a while, he couldn't stop staring at me, it was a look I've never seen in his eyes. I could just tell he missed me that things weren't the same....so here I am again, not sure how to feel.

We kissed and then we both cried, trying to hide it from one another bc we have both been so miserable. So we're back at square one and I'm okay with that, a fresh start and no more of me getting my hopes up too much and no more wondering what is going to happen.

Its time for me to start taking things one day and one step at a time!

Haiku Friday

So tired this week
Can't seem to catch up on sleep
Dark under my eyes

Had a cold all week
Could not breathe from my plugged nose
Feeling better now

Coffee is my friend
Gets me through a day at work
Just one more cup please!!

Well I don't have much to say this week, I am honestly so exhausted! I had a cold all week which kept me from sleeping normally since I could not breathe out of my nose. It seems to be better today, which is good. Its still freezing at my work and the weather is below normal cold for this time of year in Ohio. I cannot wait to just sleep in for a few hours tomorrow!!!!! At work I have a few major projects going on right now which have been causing me some stress, I have a final to finish this weekend for my bio class and then I am officially on break!

Well I should probably get to work now, although I have no motivation and I still feel really tired. Hope that everyone has a good weekend and GO BUCKS!!!!!

Are you for real?

So I got into work today, its snowing out and the roads were crappy so you might make the educated guess that it is cold outside.....and guess what....THE AIR CONDITIONING IS STILL ON HERE AND SET AT 69!!!! I mean really, its not like we are still in an Indian Summer or anything of the sort....it is snowing and its below 30 at some points during the day!!!!!! I am so glad that I bought my space heater bc without it I don't know what I would do. I already feel like crap from exhausting myself over the weekend, I am loosing my voice and I am all stuffed up, being cold is not going to help me get better.....I really hope that they break the AC again, you'd think it would be turned off by now but no....my guess is that it will be turned on all winter and the heat will never come on. Sorry, I needed to rant about that, anyone else in the same boat at their workplace? I am going to doubt it, but you never know.

This week, though its only Tuesday has been strange. I've still be talking to Andrew (yeah yeah I know I know) and its really weird at this point. I'm not sure what to do, he changes his mind about everything almost every single day. He calls me either because he is bored or misses me or has no one else to talk to about things that are going on in his life (problems at work, the winter weather, and whatever else is going on). After talking to one of my best friends Jessica about it last night I've decided to just let whatever happens happen. I'm only going to put as much effort into being friends or whatever we are as he is and once I see that the effort is going no where then its time to just bail out. He said some things to me that make me want to think that one day this could work itself out, but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up, not for one second.

He told me on Sunday night that he is scared to just be with me and no one else forever, and I can understand that. Things changed when he moved home and I know his family needs him right now.....if its meant to be it will work out and if not then I haven't invested feelings into this that I didn't already have for him. We both miss one another and we are both pretty miserable and not sure what to do, its hard and I'm not sure how to explain it. We are going to dinner on Saturday night, so we'll see how it goes and just go from there. Any advice would be appreciated since I've never really been in a situation like this.....maybe with the exception of Doug bc we tried to work things out once, but that was a different situation, we had a tumultious relationship that was never going to work out. This thing might be a different story.

So here is to me freezing my butt off at work again all day.....I better get going on some of the stuff I have to do, although blogging is much more fun!

Weekend Update

Well the work trip went well, despite the fact that I hardly slept the whole time and I think I am getting sick.....it was a learning experience for sure! This morning its back to the grind at the office. I woke up to my car covered in a little less than an inch of snow.....um by the way I hate that its winter already. It was rainy/snowy/sleeting the whole way home yesterday, roads were fine it was just annoying to drive in. Same with this morning, flurries the whole way to work and I was not prepared for snow removal from my car, I used a broom since I couldn't find my scraper/brush....who knows where that thing could be....lol.

When I got home yesterday my mom was making soup and bread, which was perfect for a cold Sunday and watching football! The Steelers won yesterday by one point. It was the first game in NFL history to end with the score of 11-10 bc they got a safety in the first quarter. It was a crazy game to watch, lots of penalties against the Steelers and none against the Chargers. Thursday night we play the Bengals.....though the game is not on regular TV since we don't get NFL Network at our house. I might have to go somewhere and watch it, or at least part of it!

This week should be hectic, finals are next week and I have tons of homework to do tonight when I get home, along with some cleaning/organizing. I want to start working on some Christmas gifts as well and maybe make a stop at Joanns while I am at Sally's getting Shampoo today. As much as I don't want to admit that the Holiday Season is upon us, its here and I really need to get cracking with that stuff here soon!

Well thats all I've got for now, I should be doing something productive at work, although my sore throat and neck burn from my straightener is making me super unmotivated.....lol.

Haiku Friday

Fall is fading now
Into winter, dark, cold days
Year went by so fast

The ups and the downs
I've had them all, hard to grasp
Just like the cold nights

My heart still confused
Missing thoughts of forever
Another Christmas

I will be alone
Hard to swallow that big pill
Easier each day.

Sorry for the depressing Haiku this week everyone, but it was just some things that are on my mind. I leave today at noon for my trip with my boss. I am anxious but excited as well. A lot has been going on this week. Next week is my last week of school before finals and then its 6 weeks of break before winter quarter, which starts January 5th. I'm taking a class on Thursday night and one on Saturday morning.....should be interesting!

Don't have much else to talk about, but I'll write after the weekend! Hope you all have a good one!

Hmmmmm

So I posted last night but deleted it after coming to my senses.

Realizations are as follows:

1. Andrew is a jerk.
2. I am glad that we did talk though (later on the phone) because it made me realize its not worth it to feel like this anymore!
3. I am ready to move on. If he never cared about me, then why should I sit around feeling sorry for myself!!!
4. I woke up today and felt totally fine and normal, its amazing how just one conversation could have changed my viewpoint on something that I thought was so important to me. I felt refreshed and almost like a totally different person (too bad I didn't get more than 6 hours of sleep bc this coffee is not waking me up)!
   
5. I want to find a man that will sweep me off my feet, who won't be afraid to be romantic, who will love me for me and not try to change me, who will spoil me and make me feel like a million dollars. Andrew never was that man and its taken me until now to see that. He was more like a great friend if anything, we had fun, but romantically he was not my dream.
   

I am so glad that I feel okay now. I am so ready to get on with my life and I no longer want him to be a part of it. I had made myself believe that he was something he was not......I think we are all guilty of that at times.

Side note: I got a pedicure yesterday.....I will never get one again. It was good though that I had that horrifying experience (in case you don't know me I hate feet and anything involving feet, touching especially freaks me out), I twitched the whole time and it didn't really feel that good other than the warm jet bath. My toes sure look pretty but I can do that myself next time around!

Becoming Eco-Friendly!

So there is a new contest at Wayfaring Wanderer (I love looking at her amazing photography) and I decided to participate because its all about sustainability, being green and more eco-friendly. Plus there is a chance to win some cool prizes and I have never done a contest before on here! You're supposed to list 5 things you do right now that are eco-friendly and 5 things you could start doing that would be eco-friendly.

5 Things I do now that are eco-friendly:

1. I recycle, and I have been doing that since middle school. We actually just got new recycling bins at my house over the weekend!
2. I use re-usable grocery bags when I shop.
3. Each of the lights in my room and most of the other lights in our house are compact fluorescent bulbs.
4. If I should happen to stop at Starbucks on the way to work, I always bring my own mug instead of using a paper cup. Not only is that eco-friendly but they give you a discount for bringing your own mug!
5. I rarely if ever, purchase bottled water. I use a water bottle that I already have and fill it up to take to the gym or to class.

5 Things I could start doing to be more eco-friendly:

1. Use my eco-friendly shopping bags for places other than the grocery store.
2. Convert the rest of the lights in my house to compact flourescent bulbs.
3. Stop using paper plates at work to eat my lunch on and bring a washable/re-usable plate from home.
4. Stop using aerosol hairspray (I swear sometimes I am the reason for a hole in the ozone layter...lol).
5. Use more eco-friendly cleaning products around the house, they seem to be easier to find at the local grocery store now!

So if you would like to participate in this contest click here and see the rules for the contest! You have until Sunday at midnight to participate!

Life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on.....

I didn't really do anything too exciting this weekend, well other than cutting off my hair and dying it dark brown with some copper tones....lol. So I suppose that would be pretty exciting!
Here is a semi-decent photo of how it looks, not the best I know but trust me this was a huge change and a change that I needed badly. Its been weird having bangs again, I grew mine out sophomore year of high school and didn't really plan on having them again, but here I am with them once more! Friday night I saw my friend Lauren from college, we haven't hung out in a really long time and it was good to see her. We watched Sex in the City (the movie) which I should have known better than to do since I cried pretty much the whole time......they all end up happy and with someone, but someday maybe that will happen for me. Saturday I worked at 3 Belles in the evening and came home and vegged in front of the TV for the rest of the night and ended up going to bed at 9:30 bc I am an old woman.

Sunday was football day, my grandparents came over to watch the Steelers game. They ended up loosing, but oh well, there is always next week and they still have a semi-decent record considering how bad all the other teams in there conference are doing.

Its back to work today, probably going to be really busy and hectic. I go to Cleveland on Friday with my boss for this new client project and I am nervous/excited about it. Emotionally I am doing much better, I didn't cry at all over the weekend and I have been doing a lot of things to improve my mood and not let this cold/depressing weather get to me. I am off probation at work and now have vacation and sick pay. My health insurance starts in about 3 weeks. This week I want to try to get a lot of homework done, maybe start working on some Christmas gifts! Hope everyone had a good weekend!!!!!

Haiku Friday

Again heart is torn
Try to forget, its so hard
Make it go away

Nothing eases my
Aches, pains, lonely nights, sad heart
I want to move on

At least its Friday
Seeing a friend should help me
In time it will fade

Its been a really rough week, but each day I feel slightly better. Work has been hectic, lots of bids for new business and I'm still working to complete all of our hiring forms. I have taken over some new duties here and I am able to work almost totally independently now, which feels kinda good. My 90-day probation is over and I get my health insurance in less than 3 weeks! Next weekend I am going to our Cleveland office with my boss to implement a new on-call weekend delivery system so that should be interesting. She asked me to help with a presentation, I feel really good about that.

As much as I'd like to move on and meet some new people I know I am not ready at all for that step. I'm sure I'll get there, I'm thinking maybe after the holidays. For now I'll just focus on work, school, family, friends and the upcoming Holiday Season!

Hope that everyone has a good weekend, and come visit me at 3 Belles Consignment on Saturday between 4pm and 7pm for some great used woman's clothes!

I need a moment.....

I am sitting here at work and all of a sudden it hits me so hard that its really over. Maybe I've just been going through the motions of being okay because it didn't seem real to me until just now. No texts or emails in the middle of the day to say hi, no lunch break phone call to talk about our morning, no weekends spent hanging out, no more walks with Bessie. All of a sudden that ache deep in my heart has returned, it hurts so bad I can't even concentrate. Most of me wishes I had never met him because then I wouldn't be feeling like this.....I hate the ache of a broken heart more than anything. I know a new boy won't make it go away, only time can and its gonna suck for quite a while I assume. What makes it worse is that I know he is not hurt at all....he could care less. If he was standing in front of me right now I would punch him in the gut so hard just so he can see how I feel. I heard once that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them, thats about 3 months for me. I just want him to hurt the way I do.....I want him to wonder why he is such a horrible person and when his ex comes back I want her to reject him so fast that his head spins backward and won't turn back around.....for now moving away to the one place I love is what I am looking forward to.....

Let the healing begin

I went to get the last of my things last night.....it sucked but it was fine. I didn't say more than about 5 words to him, we loaded up my bike and I sped out of the parking lot. I didn't even say goodbye, I think it was better that way. I cried on the way home and I think its because there was some potential there, and I learned a lot about myself along the way. Its sad that I'll miss his dog more than him, I grew so attached to her, she was wonderful and my little lovebug. Part of me hoped that he would call and just say I'm sorry one last time but I am glad that he didn't. I took his number out of my phone so there would be no temptation to call him, but I wrote it on a post-it and stuck it in my journal, just in case one day I feel the need to talk to him although I am sure he would not give me the time of day.

This morning I woke up and my heart didn't even hurt at all. I think since I already went through this once with him my healing will happen much faster, or at least I am hoping that it will. Sometimes I just wonder if all of these mistakes I have made in my love life will be worth it and if there really is someone out there waiting for me, longing for everything that I want in life. In a way looking back I knew that Andrew wasn't everything I dreamed of, he wasn't romantic, he didn't like to spoil me and he hated that I was so girly and prissy. Its best that now I just move on with my life and do something for me. I do want to move away, even if it is for a year and experience something new in my life. I want to fall in love so hard that I don't even know what hit me. I want someone to love me for who I really am inside and out.

So hear is to my healing, let it begin now!